Inui's Super Special Juice, V666 from the SSS
by M.R.H.I
Summary: Fuji is in love. Inui steps in to help, and madness befalls Seigaku High when the result turns out to be... against all laws of nature, one way to put it. Mpreg, fluff, kidnapping, evil :or is it?: plots, & lots of confusion.YAOI, lemons, juices, slash...
1. Chapter 1

**Title**: Inui's Super Duper Troubles Mixed With Love Juice, Version 6.66 from the Sadistic Side of Seigaku  
**Author:** orgilion  
**Series**: Prince of Tennis  
**Category:** Romance/Humor  
**Rating**: PG-13 - R  
**Pairing**: mainly Tezuka/Fuji, Seigaku's regular pairings.  
**Summary**: Fuji finds a paper that, incredibly, has all of the things Tezuka is looking for in a girlfriend written on it, and Fuji is determined to change to fit the description. Inui steps in to help, and madness befalls Seigaku High when the result turns out to be... well, against all laws of nature, one way to put it. Mpreg, fluff, kidnapping, evil (or is it?) plots, and lots of confusion.  
**A/N**: I am disturbed by thoughts of 12-14 yrs old doing things, so this story takes place in HS. This follows no particular timeline from the manga, so don't get confused. And as you read on, you might notice that this fic can be a little bitsy random...

EDITED: I fixed the mistake I made in the letter at the end of the chapter. So now no more confusion as to why Syusuke's parents would call him Fuji. ; That was a horrible mistake. Thanks to the readers who let me know :)

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Chapter 1 - Inui's Unknown Possibilities Juice**  
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One day, Inui was taken by surprise.

This was a surprise, itself, since Inui was _rarely_ taken off guard, not in normal circumstances, but perhaps this was not a normal circumstance, because, after all, it was Fuji.

"Inui?"

Inui snapped out of his momentarily daze to look into the hopeful face of Fuji. "Oh, right," Inui said, and gave a pause. "What did you just say?"

A blush graced those pale cheeks, which startled Inui, and almost perfunctorily he opened his secret notebook and began jotting down this note.

"Um... I was just wondering what the probability of my changing personality a success is?" Fuji was gripping the front of his shirt as if in nervousness. _This is very odd_, Inui thought, scribbling down some more note.

"I see..." Inui said slowly, as if contemplating the matter. "A complete personality change, you mean?"

Fuji frowned in thought. Obviously he didn't think of that. "Well, just a few things, I suppose..."

"Like what?" Inui persisted.

Fuji seemed reluctant to go on. Inui sighed, almost theatrically. "I can't very well gather all the data if you don't provide me with enough information, Fuji."

"Um, well," Fuji hesitated, and the next words rushed out of his mouth like the blush that was spreading across his cheeks. "I want to get rid of my... sadistic nature, you could say, to make myself a bit... desirable to be a boyfriend to someone who's... calm and strong willed and hard headed, who is also very sweet and handsome with a great talent for tennis -" At this moment Fuji realized he was rambling on about his secret crush and that Inui was not wasting a moment writing all these down. "Um... so what is it, Inui? Is it possible?"

Inui pondered the possibility. The first time he set eyes on Fuji, he'd immediately written down _Sadistic personality with a deceiving and captivating smile_, and Inui had just looked, not yet observed.

He glanced at Fuji now, and suddenly, that playful, sly look was no longer present on the tensai's face. _How very odd_, Inui thought and wrote down this fact.

"Previously, more specifically before 3:02 P.M. of December 21, 19XX, I would say that the percentage of your changing personality a success is less than 12..." Fuji's face fell, the smile on his face curving down into a desperate sort of unhappiness. This alarmed Inui, and Inui, once again, was _rarely_ alarmed. "But now, I believe the probability has increased by 20!"

Fuji wasn't happy. "But then the chance of success is only 32, less than the probability of Takashi initiatively argues with another person," he said despairingly. "Oh Inui, what is there for me to do?" Inui gave a little jump when Fuji clung onto his arm, raising his hopeless eyes to his. Uncontrollably Inui flushed. He had learned long ago that Fuji could get practically whatever he wanted with just one look, be it sultry or seductive or asking or, in this case, hopelessly and silently pleading.

"Um," Inui began, finding himself unable to resist Fuji's expression. "There's this newly created Inui's Unknown Possibilities Juice, Version 5.53..."

Fuji's face magically and automatically brightened like the sun that wasn't hanging above their heads on this freezing afternoon. "What does it do, Inui? Will it help me?"

"I don't know what it does, though!" Inui quickly said. "The last versions of this juice gave very interesting results, which I won't go into details." Inui could still remember that poor boy with the abnormally large ears, of which, by the way, he wasn't naturally born with, and shook the memory away. "It may help you, or harm you, I have no way of knowing..."

"But there's a chance that it will change me, right?" Fuji refused let go of the possibility, however small it might be. He desperately wanted to change, and all because of --

"There is a very likely chance that you'll get your wish, yes," Inui said thoughtfully. "But I will have to further my study, just to make sure." Those flashing glasses turned to Fuji, who took a step back at the intensity in the unseen eyes. "Tell me, who is this person that you wish to change for?"

Fuji's face became stubborn. "No," he shook his head, "I'm not telling you."

Inui was surprised at the firm answer, but he wasn't going to let this go so easily, especially if he was going to spend his time remaking his juice for Fuji. "Fuji, you believe in my ability, don't you?" Fuji nodded hesitantly. "Then tell me who it is. That way it'll be easier for me to analyze the data and come to the conclusion of what sort of ingredients I should add to increase the percentage of success."

Fuji looked a bit lost, and Inui felt a bit sympathetic, but his desire for knowledge was greater. Inui wondered if Fuji was actually going to give in, knowing how the boy wasn't an easy person to persuade when he'd made up his mind, but this seemed very important to him...

Then, in slow motion Fuji reached to his pocket and got out a neatly folded sheet of paper. Reluctantly Fuji handed Inui the paper, his cheeks tinted with red hues.

Curious, Inui looked at the paper, and after a few seconds, his eyes widened, but no one knew that, seeing how those thick glasses had hidden them away. "Oh, I see," Inui said faintly.

Fuji nodded. "Yeah."

Well, if _this_ was the person in question, then converting Fuji to his taste would be quite hard. _But_, Inui thought determinately, _I can solve any problem with my data and my special juice_!

"Don't worry, Fuji, I'll help you get this person's heart, no matter what," Inui promised.

Upon hearing that, Fuji gave a brilliant smile and threw his arms around the other boy. "Oh, Inui, thank you!"

Inui, once again, turned red at the sudden affection. It didn't occur to him, at that time, that perhaps Fuji was feigning to get his help all along.

Unbeknownst to them, a figure with cattish eyes was observing them with unconcealed interest.

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"Oishi!"

Oishi looked up from the stack of heavy notebooks he was carrying to English Literature class and saw Eiji running up to him. Almost unconsciously a smile bloomed on his face -- his sweaty, tired face.

Eiji wasn't the one to miss such a blatant, ragged expression, so with a worried frown he asked, "You feeling alright, Oishi?"

"I'm fine," Oishi tried to reassure his friend, at the same time swaying on his feet. "Whoa..."

"Oishi!" Eiji exclaimed, taking the notebooks from Oishi. "What's wrong with you?"

Oishi shook his head. "I'm not sure quite sure. I've been feeling a bit dizzy and hot after drinking Inui's Stress Relief Juice." There were odd blots across his vision, and he leaned back against the wall. "I told him that I've been mentally strained lately and he gave me the juice. I don't think it worked, though..."

Eiji was, by this point, ready to panic. "Oishi, let's go to the infirmary! You look horrible!" And with that, Eiji dropped all the notebooks on the floor and grabbed Oishi's hand, dragging him toward the direction of the nurse office despite Oishi's protest at the abandonment of the books.

Oishi was lying on the white bed near the window, his face flushed and eyes unfocused. Eiji loomed over him, his usually bright eyes now filled with irritation and concern. The nurse had left a while ago, having being called to the soccer field to tend to some injured players. There were only the two of them here.

"How are you feeling, Oishi?" Eiji frowned deeply, wiping some sweats from his friend's face with a cool towel. Eiji had never seen Oishi this sick, ever, and it scared him. He hoped Oishi wouldn't have to stay home for days and wouldn't go to practices, or worst, what if Oishi's condition was so bad that he would ...

"Nya! Oishi! Don't die!" Eiji begged tearfully, grabbing Oishi's hand in his small ones.

The touch was like fire, and part of Oishi wanted to withdraw from Eiji, but the other, larger part was telling him to respond to the touch. Oishi's mind was weakly protesting at this, but his reasons seemed to have flown away a long time ago, after drinking Inui's juice, in fact. All he could see was Eiji, with his lovely eyes and auburn hair... a burning feeling ignited inside him, and as if he'd lost his mind Oishi raised his hand up and pulled Eiji's head down.

Eiji was confused at Oishi's action, and didn't understand what his friend was doing until their lips met in the rays of sunlight spilling through the window.

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Many did not believe it, but Inui had a lab at home. It was the top secret 'operation room' within his bedroom. Not even his parents knew about it. Inui didn't fancy the idea of anyone knowing. After all, who knew what they would do if they found out...

Currently Inui was looking at his data book and the sheet of paper that Fuji gave him. It was rather surprising when he realized _who_ it was that Fuji was trying to impress, but then again, Inui should've known sooner. _He_ was the only person Fuji had never terrorized. Then again, as if he could do that to the captain.

Anyway, using this sheet, Inui was comparing it with all the notes he'd taken of Tezuka. Apparently Fuji had been in love with him for years, and Inui shook his head, feeling ashamed that he had never picked up on this.

._Alright, let's see if this little paper could tell me what I've never been able to get out of Tezuka,_ Inui thought gleefully

'**Q #1**: Which sex do you prefer? (M/F)**  
A**: F'

Inui wondered _why_ Fuji didn't lose his hope after that first question.

'**Q #2**: If for #1, you picked F, then do you have a problem with being with a male? And vice versa if you picked M?**  
A**: No'

_Oh._

'**Q #3**: Do you like someone who is (check as many as you like)  
A. Cheerful all the time  
B. Serious  
C. Responsible  
D. Hyperactive  
E. Romantic  
F. Friendly  
G. Gloomy  
H. Happy-go-lucky  
I. Go with the flow. What goes around, comes around, right?  
J. Other (please elaborate)**  
A**: C, E, F, J: thoughtful, knowing when to back off and let me breathe and when to comfort; has to be sweet, but not sugary sweet, joyful but not perfunctorily joyful. She has to be understanding, intuitive, assertive, and empathetic. She also needs to love tennis.'

_Well, this isn't so hard. Fuji is almost everything Tezuka describes... except sweet. Calling Fuji sweet is like suggesting Hitler as a possible love interest._

_**'Q #4**:_ Do you take the initiative in asking your crush to go out or the other way around?**  
_A_** It depends on the time and place. Preferably I'd like to ask her out, because if she's too aggressive then it's not very charming

This wasn't good, Inui thought. Fuji was very dominating, and wasn't to be the one being asked. Inui had to fix that. Quickly he wrote down a note and proceeded on.

'**Q #5**: How long will you wait until you get sexually involved?**  
A**: About a few months, or years, it doesn't matter, as long as she's comfortable with it. Sex is not everything.'

This was even worst. If he knew Fuji, and according to his data, he did, then the tensai wasn't going to wait _at all_, especially when he was so in love with Tezuka. For a moment Inui wondered if he was doing a good deed in helping Fuji, but then shrugged it off. It would be interesting to see how this would turn out.

'**Q #6**: Do you prefer to be in a serious relationship or a short and fun fling?**  
A**: Serious relationship. I don't believe in sexual satisfaction because it's so ephemeral.'

'**Q #7**: Ice cream, chocolate, strawberry, peanuts - which do you like? Is there a reason why?**  
A**: Chocolate and strawberry. Chocolate because it's a mixture of bitterness and sweetness. Strawberry because it's wonderful when dipped in chocolate.'

_He's so honest, Inui thought, amused._

'**Q #8**: After a hard day at work, you go home to find your wife/husband...**  
A**: Cooking dinner. She would finish and come into the bedroom and give me a shoulder rub, while asking about my day. We will then play a game of tennis before bathing together. We'll eat dinner and I'll do my work while she tends to the kids. Our nights will be spent whispering sweet nothing and making love... or nights when I don't have work the next day, anyway.

Inui frowned slightly. There was something off about this answer, and uncomfortably Inui flipped through his data book, but he couldn't find a clue as to why this answer was bothering him. Perhaps he was just imagining things...

'**Q #9**: Do you have a special fetish?**  
A**: -some crossed out words- Delicate, pianist fingers.'

Inui raised an eyebrow. Interesting.

'**Q #10**: Final question - what can your crush do that turns you on?**  
A**: (Inui frowned at the many carefully white-outed words) Her in the shower or an apron.

It took a while for Inui to register that information, and when he did, a slow, devilish smile crossed his face. He knew what sort of ingredients he would put in his new juice now. If he succeeded, and there was a high chance he would, then the juice would help Fuji get his wish in no time at all...

Providing the juice didn't have any side effects, that was.

With glee, Inui stood up and went to prepare his new juice. The lab flashed with ominous lights as Inui set off to work, not knowing that the paper he was reading a while ago had fallen off the table, so that the other side of the sheet was turned over.  
_  
**Q #11**: Final final question - Is there a person that you love? If so, who?**  
A**: Yes_.

But the answer to the 'who' question was crossed out very carefully.

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When Tezuka stepped inside the gate of Seigaku on the Thursday of December, everyone was staring at him. This wasn't exactly a strange thing, since Tezuka, with his godly good looks and mysterious life, not to mention his vast knowledge in everything and his talent in tennis, was quite a known man in school. The odd thing was that everyone seemed to be looking only when he didn't look at them, and whispering as if he was some sort of exotic object from Zimbabwe or something. Tezuka shrugged their odd behavior off and went to his locker. It was most likely that there was some rumor or other concerning him... again.

As usual, when Tezuka opened his locker, a stack of fan mails streamed out like rain and Tezuka quickly stepped away before they could fall on top of him. If it wasn't because he was so used to this, Tezuka would probably have talked to the Student Council and requested a lock. After sweeping the fallen mails into a neat pile, Tezuka proceeded to find his books for today's morning lessons, putting those mails on top of his locker in the process. They were almost always gone by the end of the day, possibly due to the girls trying to steal one another's letter so that Tezuka wouldn't have to read them. It was fine by him. It wasn't like he read them anyways.

"Tezuka!" He turned around upon hearing that familiar, soft voice, and sure enough, there was Fuji, walking toward him. "Good morning," Fuji said, the same, gentle smile present on his face.

"Good morning," Tezuka replied, watching as Fuji opened his locker and allowed the love letters to fall into his arms.

"Oh dear," Fuji said mildly, and gathered them all into his arms. Tezuka closed his locker and waited for Fuji to throw them into the trash can. It always amazed him how Fuji could trash the feelings of so many fans so easily. As if reading Tezuka's thought, Fuji said, "It's much better to let them know there's no hope rather than giving them false ideas by keeping these, don't you think?"

Tezuka didn't answer. Fuji's straight-forward and detached personality was almost unconceivable, sometimes. But Tezuka had known this child prodigy since they were in middle school to really be surprised by him. "Let's go to class, then," Tezuka said, earning himself another dazzling smile from Fuji.

"Of course."

As they walked to class in silence, Tezuka's fan girls began to tear furiously at the letters from other girls and Fuji's fans could only stand there and cry.

So began another normal day at Seishun Academy.

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It was very cold during this time of the year, Ryoma concluded as he closed the window of the classroom. History had ended a few moment ago, and since Ryoma didn't feel like going to the cafeteria to eat, preferring to have some peace, he had stayed in the room. Of course, usually this was unacceptable, but Ryoma was a special case. _All_ the teachers loved him, simply because he was the cutest boy in the whole school, or so they believed. Ryoma didn't exactly care, since this gave him lots of privileges that even the Student Council President didn't have. He just wondered what was it about him that was so special.

Just then the door to the classroom slid open and in came Momo and Takashi, chatting away happily. "- and he's just so adorable because he thinks he's really cool, but actually, he's just really cute, and his spoiled, cocky personality makes him all the more... Ryoma!" Momo exclaimed upon seeing the freshman, and quickly turned a generous shade of red. "Oh, um, when did you get in here?"

Ryoma shrugged, feeling oddly warm all of the sudden. Must be the chili and pepper he ate, Ryoma decided. "I've been here the whole time. What are _you_ doing here?"

Takashi smiled. "The third years have history after lunch, and Momo wants to borrow my _Jump_ magazine," he explained, and saw the lunch box on the table. "Are you eating? Are we interrupting you?"

"No," Ryoma shook his head, "I finished."

"Hold on, Momo, I'll get you the magazine," Takashi told him and went off to his desk.

Momo looked out of the window, because otherwise he would be staring at Ryoma instead. "It'll probably snow today..."

Ryoma nodded absently, deep in thought. Momo took the liberty to look at him then. He'd known Ryoma since the boy was in sixth grade, and had seen him grown to the ninth grader that he was now. Not that he was the only one who saw Ryoma grow, but still...

But Ryoma wasn't the only one who'd grown. Momo's feelings had, too, and in more than a friendly way toward the freshman.

"Have you ever seen Fuji-senpai hug anyone, Momo-senpai?" Momo was startled out of his reverie by the question.

"Hmm... well," Momo said slowly, "there's you. He hugs you a lot."

Ryoma looked at him in annoyance. "That's not what I meant. I mean, affectionately hugging someone?"

Momo pondered about that. "There was this one time, four years ago," Momo said, remembering. "All of the regulars were at Fuji's house. We were having a tennis tournament to see who would get to open the special present Ryuzaki-sensei gave all of us." Ryoma wondered _why_ that would ignite their passion to have a tournament. "Anyway, it was the second to last round, and..."

The bell rang.

"Oh, I gotta go, see you Ryoma!" Momo said, grabbing the magazine Takashi was about to hand him on his way out of class. Ryoma watched as he disappeared out of the room, and, with more poise and less hyperactivity, collected his things and went out.

The temperature seemed to have dropped considerably once Momo-senpai was gone.

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Fuji glanced over at Eiji, and wondered what on earth was going on. The boy had not smiled once since he arrived to school this morning, and whenever Fuji said his name, he would jump like a jittery cat with a guilty conscience. The oddest thing wasn't just that, but the fact that he and Oishi seemed to be avoiding each other. If it was any other people, Fuji wouldn't be bothered so much, but this was the _Golden Pair_ they were talking about, and the Golden Pair was practically inseparable. Something must have happened, Fuji decided, and he wasn't going to let this go until he found out what.

When the bell rang, ending their last class, Fuji latched onto Eiji and dragged him to the student council room. Fuji was glad he'd convinced, or rather, _frightened_, the vice-president into giving him a spare key. It was good to have a private place to oneself sometimes.

"Is there something wrong between you and Oishi?" Fuji began, not bothering to beat around the bush. "You've been avoiding him."

"I wasn't!" Eiji said automatically, at the same time blushing like a child got caught naughty. Fuji gave him a look, the look that always made people spill their heart's desires and secrets out to him, and Eiji fell weak to 'the look'. "Something happened..." Eiji muttered.

Fuji's eyes softened, and gently he led his friend to a seat. "Sit down, Eiji, and tell me what's wrong," Fuji said in his utmost gentle voice. Eiji was an easy egg to crack, especially when it was something between him and Oishi.

"Yesterday," Eiji said, staring down at the floor, "Oishi got a bit sick so I took him to the infirmary. He looked really awful, like he was really sick, so I got really worried." Fuji nodded encouragingly, gesturing for him to go on. "Well, and then I got really scared because I've never seen him like that before, so I thought he was ill so bad that he could die, and... what are you laughing at?" Eiji exclaimed indignantly at Fuji's futile attempt to cover his giggles.

"N-nothing," Fuji giggled, "go on, Eiji, and then what?"

A pout formed on that full, red lips, but Eiji continued, "Then I panicked and grabbed his hand..." Fuji could see where this was going, but he stayed silent. "And he sort of pulled me down and... um..." A deep, red blush bloomed on his cheeks, and Eiji was unwilling to go on.

Fuji tried hard to hide his smile. "He kissed you, didn't he?"

Eiji turned even redder, if that was possible, and nodded.

Fuji sat down in front of his friend and took his hand. "Are you upset? Did you hate it?"

Eiji's reaction was immediate. "No!" He looked away from Fuji and sighed deeply. Slowly he stood up and went over to the window.

"No...?" Fuji persisted.

Eiji bit his lower lip, his face drawn into a deep frown. Finally he threw his hands up the air in frustration. "That's just it! I _didn't_ hate it! I... really, really liked it when he um, kissed me." Eiji turned his miserable face to Fuji. "What will I do now? I can't face him anymore. Whenever I see him, I just remember his kiss, and... how much I liked it!"

_So Eiji likes Oishi,_ Fuji thought, smiling sympathetically. He knew how Eiji was; the boy was probably clueless to Oishi's feelings toward him. Honestly, usually people would be upset when someone randomly kissed them, not upset because they liked it. But Eiji was Eiji, and Fuji could only deal with him in the only way he knew how.

"Eiji," Fuji said, walking over to him. "Have you ever thought about why Oishi kissed you? Or why you liked it so much?" Seeing Eiji's expression told Fuji all he needed to know. "Honestly," he sighed. "Maybe you should go and talk to Oishi. He's probably really scared that you're avoiding him because you hate him. Now _I_ know that's not the case," Fuji quickly added, seeing Eiji's horrified expression. "But does Oishi know? You have to clear things up with him. Be honest with him, because the Golden Pair was built based on trust and honesty, do you remember?" Fuji smiled when his friend nodded. "He's probably at the tennis court now, waiting for his partner to come."

Eiji looked torn between decisions, then, finally, he gave Fuji a quick hug. "Thanks, Syusuke-chan! You're the best!" With that, he dashed out of the room, the thought of finding Oishi in his mind.

Fuji's smile faded away, and as he leaned back and looked out of the window, he wondered how long he could hold onto his reasons when his eyes were so blinded by emotions. Shaking his head, Fuji left, taking care to lock the door. It was time for tennis practice.

Outside, the first snow of the season swayed gently down onto the dry, cold ground.

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There was not much that irritated Tezuka, but today, Oishi was testing his limits.

"Oishi," Tezuka said, a vein pulsing noticeably on his forehead, "What are you doing?"

Ever since they'd said hello to each other this morning, Oishi had been mumbling to himself. Not only that, he was pacing up and down and would, occasionally, fling his hands up to the sky and give a miserable moan. Tezuka was getting quite fed up with it. Oishi, on the other hand, didn't seem to have noticed his behavior at all.

"Huh?" Oishi turned to Tezuka, looking as if the world had ended, or close to be. "Oh, it's nothing. I'm just..." Oishi said, and, unable to express his thoughts, grabbed some papers on the table and ripped them apart in frustration. Now Tezuka knew something was definitely wrong. Oishi hadn't done that since they were in grade school and the teacher thought he ate paste when he didn't. It wasn't a pleasant experience for Oishi. The teacher called the emergency number and an ambulance actually came to the school to get him to the hospital. Deep down inside his heart, Tezuka found it very amusing.

"Syuichiro, sit down, please, you're giving me a headache," Tezuka sighed, gesturing to the seat on the opposite side of the table. Dejectedly Oishi sat.

They were in the tennis locker room, having the privilege as the captain and vice-captain to get out of class half an hour earlier. Tezuka had wanted to finish organizing the papers for the next ranking matches, but Oishi was not being very cooperative.

"Is there something bothering you? You've been acting rather out of character," Tezuka said, shuffling the papers and proceeding on to alphabetize them. Tezuka, unfortunately, had a habit of alphabetizing everything he got his hands on. Some people called it OCD, he called it _orderly_.

"It's just," Oishi started, then bit his lip, "I've done something horrible."

Tezuka doubted that Oishi could do something horrible, but didn't voice his thought. "Did you step on a flower on your way home yesterday?" Tezuka asked, keeping a straight face.

"What - no!" Oishi glared at him. "Like I would actually try to destroy the environment, but what I did... it's unforgivable." He buried his face in his hands. Tezuka tilted his head in interest, pushing the stack of paperwork to the side. There was only one thing that could create this sort of reaction out of Oishi.

"What's going with you and Kikumaru?"

Oishi didn't even bother asking how the captain knew. They'd been friends for too long to not know. "I... I..." Oishi was having some difficulty getting the words past his mouth. Tezuka could see the blush that ran up his neck, and was immensely amused. Of course, he didn't show it.

Oishi mumbled something incoherent.

"Pardon me?" Tezuka leaned closer, as Oishi was speaking with his hands covering his face, and caught the barely discernible words.

"I - kissed Eiji."

There was a long silence, in which Oishi turned even redder, from what Tezuka could see.

Tezuka was quite surprised, not because Oishi kissed Eiji, but because apparently it was the first time they'd kissed each other. He thought they were together since junior high, but that wasn't the case, it seemed.

"Hmm," Tezuka said thoughtfully, wondering what he should say to Oishi. "Why did you kiss him?"

Oishi jumped up from his seat so fast that the chair flipped over. "I don't know! Why did I do it? How will I explain myself to Eiji? He must really hate me now!"

"How do you know that he hates you?" Tezuka asked again, and Oishi stopped his ranting. "Think about it. Did he actually say he hated you? Perhaps you're just imagining everything." Tezuka was quite sure hating Oishi for kissing him was the last thing on Eiji's mind, but it was best that Oishi figured this out by himself. Tezuka shook his head, and took off his glasses. "So when did this happen?"

Oishi put the chair back to its original position and sat down. "Yesterday, near the end of the day. Eiji took me to the clinic because I wasn't feeling well, and when he grabbed my hand, I just lost it."

Tezuka raised an eyebrow. "You looked fine to me yesterday."

"Well, yes, I felt fine, too, until I drank Inui's juice..." The words died on his lips as he put two and two together. "_No. Way_." Oishi's face was red now, not out of embarrassment, but fury. "That wasn't his Stress Relief Juice! It was Inui's Hormones Ignition Juice!" Tezuka did _not_ like the sound of that. "I'm going to _kill_ him!"

"Calm down, Syuichiro," Tezuka said, rubbing his forehead. "You can punish him during practice, but now you have a more important matter to attend to."

"What?" Oishi said, turning his glaring face to Tezuka.

Tezuka looked mildly bewildered at Oishi's expression, but shrugged it off. Oishi was quite scary when he wanted to be, and besides, Tezuka knew all of his expressions too well to be frightened. "Kikumaru has just went past the locker room toward the courts. I think he's looking for you."

Upon hearing the Eiji's name, it was as if a miracle had worked itself on the boy. Oishi's expression softened and a smile worked itself across his face. "Oh, well then, I'm going to see him right now," he said, standing up. On his way out he managed to slam his head onto the locker, trip over the wooden bench, and get his fingers caught while closing the door.

When he was gone, Tezuka gave a long sigh. One of these days, Oishi was going to get himself killed because of Eiji, and when he did, he probably wouldn't even mind.

Tezuka let out a smile when he saw Oishi catching up to his friend as they neared the court, and noticed that snow was falling.

It was then that Tezuka realized he was cold.

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Inui caught Fuji as he made his way toward the tennis court. Though it was snowing heavily, practice was not canceled. Inui suspected the vice-captain had something to do with this, but from what he'd seen today between Kikumaru and Oishi, it was all worth it.

"Fuji-kun!" Inui called. "Hold up!"

Fuji looked back at him, pulling the scarf around his neck a little tighter. It wasn't because he was cold, no, he was rarely cold, but because he was feeling a bit nervous. Inui had that _look_ on him again, which meant that he'd finished updating his juice. "Oh, hello, Inui," Fuji greeted with a usual smile on his face.

Inui didn't even bother with greetings. He took out a small vial filled with crystal clear liquid and handing it to Fuji. "Here's the Special Unknown Possibilities Juice, Version 6.65." Inui's face was flushed with excitement. "Now, after analyzing my data and deciding the best ingredients to put in, I've made this juice. With this, you will become a completely different person over night, providing it works. If not, then I have to do some more research..." And Inui went into his thinking mode.

"What new ingredients did you put in it, Inui?" Fuji asked, holding the vial up to eye level.

"A little sugar, spice, and everything nice," Inui answered dismissively, still thinking of all the things that could go wrong. Well, now that he was actually listing them all out in his head, there was _a lot_ that could go wrong. Maybe he shouldn't let Fuji drink it at all...

_Oh, what am I thinking? This could turn out to be quite amusing,_ Inui decided

Meanwhile, Fuji was wondering why the ingredients sounded so familiar. "So do I just drink this?" Fuji asked cautiously.

"Hmm, oh no," Inui snapped out of his thoughts and looked at Fuji seriously, "When you go home today, make sure to drink it at exactly midnight. Do not forget that. This juice is specialized to take effect right at that time, and if you drink it before that, then I don't know what will happen. I've already tried to lessen the side effects, but with these unknown possibilities juices, you just never know." Inui tilted his head to the side, observing Fuji in his silent, prodding way, and added, "You only have tonight, Fuji. After midnight, it's going to neutralize and dissolve along with the vial into smoke. And since I've already used up some of my special ingredients, it's going to take a while to remake another one."

Fuji nodded. He knew there were risks, but to capture the heart of his secret love, he was willing to take the dangerous road. He only hoped that he didn't die before he got his wish. Then again, if he were to die in Tezuka's arms...

Fuji shook away those thoughts, and put the vial in the pocket of his coat. From a distance he could see Tezuka coming toward him, and with a genuine smile he walked toward him. "Thanks Inui. I'll never forget your kindness if my plan succeeds."

Inui watched him go and could only hope that it would.

-----------------------------------------------

Kaidou was walking into the court when he heard a loud "Oishi you baka!" and felt a figure rocketing past him. Seeing the red blur rushing out of the court told him straight away that it was Kikumaru-senpai, and the figure that was sitting on the ground with a swollen cheek with a hand mark on it was Oishi-senpai. Kaidou could only come to one conclusion upon seeing this: a lover's spat.

Kaidou gave a low hiss and came over to Oishi. "Come on up, Oishi-senpai," Kaidou muttered, helping him up.

Oishi was too dazed to say thank you. Slowly he raised a hand up to his cheek, still staring at the spot where Eiji had been. Then, as if surfacing from a bad dream, Oishi said faintly, "He hit me."

"Yes," Kaidou agreed.

"Eiji hit me."

"Yes."

"I got hit by Eiji."

Kaidou wondered how many ways Oishi-senpai could come up with to rephrase the same thing over and over again. "I think you need to sit down, Oishi-senpai," Kaidou said kindly, but to the other's ears, he sounded like he was growling in annoyance.

Oishi didn't reply and let Kaidou lead him to the nearest bench. The boy wondered what happened between the Golden Pair. Sure, he had noticed their odd behavior since yesterday after school when they ran away from one another instead of walked home together, but they couldn't still be _mad_ at each other? They hadn't been mad at each other since middle school, and they had immediately made up the next day. How very curious...

"Kikumaru-senpai looked very upset," Kaidou told him. Upon hearing those words, Oishi cracked.

"I don't understand!" Oishi almost yelled in frustration. Kaidou jumped at Oishi's sudden tension. He'd never seen Oishi-senpai like this before, and truth be told, he was sort of scared.

"C-calm down, Oishi-senpai," Kaidou stammered. "I'm sure everything will be f --"

"No!" Oishi turned to Kaidou, and for a moment the boy wondered if his senpai was going to lose it, when Oishi's face turned to one of misery. "I did something horrible to him, and when I tried to explain, because I really _did_ have a good excuse, he got mad at me. What did I do wrong?"

Kaidou pondered about this. "What did you do? You can't possibly do anything to make him mad unless you're dating some girls."

Oishi stared at him. "W-what?"

"Well, then, it'd be cheating, wouldn't it?" Kaidou said patiently. "I mean, with Kikumaru-senpai being your boyfriend and all... he's not very forgiving about that stuff, you...know..." Kaidou fell silent when Oishi-senpai began to stare at him with disbelief in his eyes and red blots on his cheeks. "Um, did I say something wrong?" He asked meekly.

Oishi was at loss for words. "We- we're not boyfriends!" He spluttered. "What ever gave you that idea?"

Kaidou flushed pink. "B-but... you guys've been going out with each other since eighth grade! I remember that day when you both confessed your feelings! Everyone did!" Then suddenly a thought struck him. "Or did you just recently break up with him?"

Oishi flung his hands up the air in indignant disbelief. "_No_! What are you talking about? When did we... _confess_ our feelings?"

Now it was Kaidou's turn to be confused. "But... right before summer started after eighth grade, in the locker room... we heard you!"

"_Who?_"

"Me, Inui, Fuji, Momo, Ryoma, Takashi, some first and second years..." Kaidou answered, frightened at Oishi's sudden rage. He had never seen Oishi-senpai so scary. "We were about to enter the locker room when we heard both of you... saying..." He blushed furiously, recalling just exactly what he had heard.

"Well?" Oishi persisted, glaring at the poor boy as if it was all his fault.

"Saying how you'll never leave each other, and how it'd hurt so much when you didn't know..." Those words tumbled out of Kaidou's mouth so quickly that Oishi barely understood them.

"Wait... wait!" Oishi said, suddenly remembered. "You can't be serious... don't tell me it's _that_ time..." Oh yes, Oishi could still remember, the cherry blossoms, the apology, the blood...

Right, _that_ time...

-----------------------------------------------**  
:FLASHBACK:**  
-----------------------------------------------

The cherry blossoms had been blooming heavily lately, so that most of the members had to stay after to clean the courts. Of course, Oishi would have, too, except that there was something odd going on with his doubles partner... as if he was avoiding him. In Oishi's mind, he couldn't imagine why Eiji would do such a thing, but his instinct never failed him.

So when practice was over and Eiji, instead of staying behind, dashed straight into the locker room, Oishi couldn't help but followed.

The locker room was empty, as expected, and Oishi silently crept inside, making sure to close the door behind him. Eiji was behind a row of lockers, and from what Oishi could hear, mumbling to himself.

Oishi came round and went up to Eiji, frowning when the boy didn't notice him until he tapped him on the shoulder. "Eiji."

"NYA!" Eiji gave a jump three feet up the air like a startled cat, spinning around to look at Oishi. Somehow, seeing him caused Eiji to be even more startled. "Oishi!"

"Yes, nice to see you too," Oishi said dryly. "What are you doing here? You're supposed to be out there, helping out with the cleaning."

Eiji looked very uncomfortable, which only further provoked Oishi's curiosity. "What's wrong with you, Eiji? You've been acting weird all day long. In fact, I think you're avoiding me." Eiji stepped away from Oishi guiltily. "Why are you avoiding me? Have I done anything wrong?"

Eiji immediately shook his head, horrified that Oishi would think that. "It's not you, Oishi." And Eiji refused to elaborate. But, you see, Oishi was a patient man.

And he continued to be for another two seconds before he grabbed Eiji by the shoulders and said, rather loudly and frighteningly, "Tell me what's wrong! You're my doubles partner and I can't bear to see you running away from me! Can't you see you're affecting our performance and me, as well? It makes me so upset when I don't know what's going on with you -"

Oishi's words faded away when he saw the tears brimming in those big, kitten-ish eyes, and suddenly, the hand that was gripping Eiji's right shoulder felt wet.

Oishi looked, and realized that blood was sipping through the shirt and the cracks between his fingers.

Now shock could _not_ describe how Oishi felt right then.

(Due to Oishi's request that the writer not describe his behavior, the next five minutes of this scene will be censored)

After Oishi had calmed down somewhat, he sat Eiji down on the bench and said commandingly, "Take off your shirt, Eiji."

It was exactly at this moment that some of the tennis club's members came back from the courts. Upon hearing such words, they decided to stay outside and eavesdrop.

"I'm sorry, Oishi," Eiji hiccupped, wiping some tears away from his eyes. "I suppose you want me..." at this part he lowered his voice in guilt "...to tell you what's going on."

"Of course," Oishi agreed. (Outside, the others were becoming very interested.) "I think I deserve to, Eiji." Oishi said, and began taking care of the wound on Eiji's shoulder. "How could you have possibly not told me of this? Do you not trust me enough to know that I care?"

"That's not it!" Eiji protested. "I know you care, and that's why... I couldn't tell you, because I was afraid you might just hate me."

"That's ridiculous," Oishi said firmly. "I could never hate you, Eiji. You're..." At this point someone outside the locker room sneezed, therefore the others missed the next few words that Oishi said, which led to a very big confusion.

"Don't say that!" Eiji cried out, feeling even more guilty at what he'd done to Oishi now after hearing him so honestly say that Eiji was his very best friend. "Once I told you this, you'd probably going to hate me..."

"I doubt it, but go on, tell me..."

Eiji began to confess his guilt, unable to look at Oishi in the eyes. His spoken words were so quiet that it was no wonder the members could only hear a few words, but it was enough to confirm their misleading suspicion. "Today, Yuniko-chan, you know, from class 3B, asked me to give you a bag of cookies, but I... I was starving during class and ate it all, and so couldn't give them to you. I'm sorry, Oishi! I think she was trying to tell you that she liked you by giving you the cookies, but I couldn't help it! I was so horrified and angry at myself when I realized what I'd done! But it was too late, because the cookies were gone and now you'll never..." Eiji sobbed "never gonna get to eat her cookies. I'm so horrible, and you, I always knew you liked her, too."

Oishi smiled. Was that all there was to it? Sure, it was wrong of Eiji to eat his cookies, but he knew Eiji had absolutely no self-control when it came to food, and it was Yuniko's fault, anyway, for not just giving him the cookies and giving them to Eiji instead. "Eiji, you're so funny," Oishi said, shaking his head. "Why would I ever get mad at you for that? They're just cookies. You know I'd share them with you anyway, so what's the point of you eating them, er, _all _a bit early?"

Eiji looked at Oishi with his lovely, teary eyes. "R-really? You're not mad at me? But you like her!"

Oishi laughed. "Who told you that? Yuniko's a great friend, but that's all there is to it. And anyway, you're more important. You're..." Someone outside sneezed _again_, but at this point in time everyone had pretty much decided for themselves that Eiji was Oishi's lover. "... okay?"

Eiji sniffed. "Okay."

"But really, Eiji," Oishi frowned, "this doesn't exactly explain why you were hiding your..." The sneezing person was very persistent, and this time around he got hit on the head for interrupting their eavesdropping "... from me?" He looked at Eiji's shoulder. "This seems recent, so it must be while we were on court, so why didn't you me?"

"Because I was punishing myself. I thought, this is the price I have to pay for not being able to control myself, and I can't stand it if you figured it out and hated me."

"Eiji, you silly boy, I could never hate you," Oishi said, dabbing the blood from Eiji's shoulder. "You're like, my brother."

Everyone outside held their breath, one thought passing through their minds. _Oishi said _lover.

Eiji's tears fell again. He couldn't believe he had such a great friend. If it were him, he probably would be really angry at Oishi for eating his cookies. "Oishi, I love you so much!"

Thus, the misunderstanding between the Golden Pair was cleared up while another misunderstanding flared up in the Seigaku tennis club.

-----------------------------------------------**  
:END FLASHBACK:**  
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Oishi finished his story, then turned to look at Kaidou exasperatedly, as if silently asking how he and the others could have twisted something so innocent into such an elaborated story of nonexistent lovers. Kaidou, at least, looked abashed.

"So _that's_ what happened," he said. "But you really can't blame us for it. Your misleading words could be deciphered both ways, if you think about it."

Oishi opened his mouth to protest, but then realized that Kaidou had a point, and turned away, mumbling something about it wasn't his fault.

"So, now that we have the confusion all cleared up, let's hear about your new Kikumaru problem, eh?" Kaidou said encouragingly. Oishi pretended he didn't hear what Kaidou called his problems as.

"It's nothing you would understand, you're still a kid," Oishi said with a sigh, causing Kaidou to be very indignant.

"I'm not a kid," he muttered, hissing, and walked away, all his interest in Oishi's trouble gone.

When Kaidou left, Oishi closed his eyes and buried his face in his hand. "What did I do wrong?" he murmured, feeling, for the first time in his life, very weary and lonely.

-----------------------------------------------

When Fuji came back home, he was greeted with silence. Feeling rather surprised, he quickly took off his shoes and entered the kitchen, finding, without difficulty, a short note on the dining table. He picked it up as the back pack fell down onto the chair with a thump.

_Syusuke,_

_Mommy and Daddy are on a business trip. We won't be back for a few months, so take care of yourself while we're gone, okay? Also, Yumiko is in Paris with a few of her friends, so don't expect her home any time soon. I called Yuuta earlier on to let him know. He'll be coming home today._

_Lots of love,_

_Mom and Dad_

Fuji smiled and threw the note away. Yuuta was coming home, so he had to make dinner. It'd been such a long time, and Fuji couldn't wait so see his adorable brother once again.

-----------------------------------------------

Yuuta glared at Fuji across the table. "Just to let you know, I didn't come home voluntarily, okay? Mom forced me into it." He shuddered, remembering his mother's words.

Fuji tilted his head slightly. "I know," he said carelessly. "You would never admit you missed me, so Mom did it for you." Yuuta turned red around the ears, and was about to protest, but Fuji cut in. "Let's just enjoy dinner, yes? I made your favorite chicken curry."

Yuuta only grumbled something incoherently before digging into the food. Fuji watched his brother sweetly, smiling. Yuuta was just _so_ cute.

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The dark sky swirled with smokey clouds, and distant rumbling indicated that a storm was coming. Fuji sat in his room, feeling slightly nervous as he looked at the tennis ball shaped clock. There were five more minutes to go until midnight, and Fuji felt cold panic gripping his insides. Was he doing the right thing? Was it worth the trouble? Was _Tezuka_ worth it?

_Yes._

Fuji gripped the bottle of juice even more tightly, so that his knuckles were white. But he had no idea what the juice was going to do to him. He could turn into a crazed monkey with wild hormones for all he knew. Fuji didn't want to think about it. He was being stupid. He'd loved Tezuka since he first saw him, and for Tezuka, he would do anything. Yes, he would even turn into a crazy, hormonal monkey. Fuji shook his thoughts away. He just hoped that that wouldn't be the case, otherwise Inui was in for some deep sh--

The clock sounded and started playing the _Titanic_ song, showing that it was time. Fuji took a deep breath and popped open the cord. He stared at the clear liquid for a second and downed the whole content in one gulp.

Thunders roared outside. Fuji jumped. The glass bottle dropped to the floor, shattered to shards.

And then, he felt it.

Bubbling and rising as if from out of nowhere, Fuji felt a deep, white pain, as if every nerve and fiber in his body was aflame and soaked in mercury. He clutched his chest, falling to his knees. Silvery smoke rose from his body like some sort of odd screen effect seen in horror movies. Fuji's eyes were open, unmistakable shock and deep agony evident in those hazel orbs. His head was hurting him, as if it was being split open, as if someone was rearranging his organs and then closing his head back together.

Unable to endure the pain any longer, Fuji gave a reverberating scream and fainted.

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TO BE CONTINUED  
Chapter 2 - O' Love, thou art such sweet misery  
**-----------------------------------------------**  
End of chapter's note**: REVIEW:P  
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	2. Chapter 2

**Title**: Inui's Super Duper Troubles Mixed with Love Juice, Version 6.66 from the Sadistic Side of Seigaku  
**Author**: orgilion  
**Series**: Prince of Tennis  
**Category**: Romance/Humor  
**Rating**: PG-13 - R  
**Pairing**: mainly Tezuka/Fuji, Seigaku's regular pairings, and others  
**Summary**: Fuji finds a paper that, incredibly, has a list of things Tezuka is looking for in a girlfriend, and Fuji is determined to change to fit the description. Inui steps in to help, and madness befalls Seigaku High when the result turns out to be... well, against all laws of nature, one way to put it. Mpreg, fluff, kidnapping, evil (or is it?) plots, and lots of confusion.

**BE WARNED:** of lots of smiling, excessive use of the word 'mad' in different variations, and weirdness haven't seen since... well, never. Oh yeah, and hot tennis boys being boys, a.k.a. dense... _extremely _dense.  
**A/N**: Thanks to those who read and those who read and review :D It's very encouraging and I really like this story, so hopefully I'll finish it. LOL. Of course I'll finish it! And for those who think Fuji's turning into a girl, well, that _half_-true. How? Well, read on and find out!

Originally I wanted to include more of what was going on, but the chapter turned out to be so long so I decided to leave it for the next chapter! So I guess you'll call the end of this chapter a … cliffhanger:P

Once again, forgive my mistakes, but feel free to point them out :)

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**Chapter 2 - O' Love, thou art such sweet misery**  
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Yuuta woke up to the sounds of birds chirping and the faint neighbors' morning greetings from outside of the window, feeling very groggy and irritated. He was, of course, not a morning person, especially today.

It was understandable (to him at least) that he was in such a testy mood. Just as he was sleeping fitfully last night, drowning in a sweet dream of winning the tennis championship against his brother, the very said person let off such a loud and wild scream that it woke him up.

_Really,_ Yuuta thought as he brushed his teeth, _I know how difficult it is during this time of a boy's life, with the hormones rampaging madly and unstoppably, but couldn't he be just a little bit more _discreet_? I wouldn't mind the silence, you know. Speaking of which, he sounded rather desperate. _Yuuta smirked. _I thought he was bombarded with girls. Obviously not_.

Feeling slightly happier, Yuuta set off downstairs for breakfast.

When he stepped into the kitchen, Yuuta felt a cold chill shooting up his spine and instinctively backed out of the room, furtively peeking around -

And goggled.

See, now, Yuuta always thought himself to be beyond childish expressions (goggling being one of them), but he was just too shocked/dumbfounded/speechless to really know what expression he had on his face at the moment, which showed how shocked/dumbfounded/speechless he was.

Of course, Yuuta had a very understandable reason for reacting as such, because in all his life, he'd never seen a breakfast so elaborated, so eromatic, and so _glittering_. But more than that, there was his brother, Fuji.

As if reading his mind, Fuji turned around and smiled at Yuuta, who thought his heart was going to drop due to the sincerity and sugary sweetness blasting from those clear, pretty blue eyes. Fuji _never_ looked at anyone with eyes like that, much less _smiled_ like the angel that Yuuta knew he wasn't.

Therefore, without even needing to confirm anything, he knew for certain that something was _very_ wrong.

Because his brother was wearing the pinkish-white apron that even Yumiko considered to be too _flowery_ and girly, even by her standards, to use.

"Yuuta," Fuji said, causing the boy to jump a foot up the air.

_His tone..._ Yuuta thought, sweating profusely. _His_ tone

Yes, it was his tone, which was lilting and soft and oh so alluring. The only tone that Yuuta had ever familiarized himself with when it came to Fuji was _deceptively nice_.

Fuji, on the other hand, seemed to have not noticed his own behavior and was wiping his hands on a similar, flowery cloth. "You're just in time for breakfast. Sit down; we still have about half an hour before school starts."

Goosebumps rose on his neck as Yuuta, too frightened of this strange development to form coherent sentences, complied without a fuss.

Fuji's mouth broke into another breathtaking smile and he, too, sat down on the other end of the table. "You know, Yuuta, I'm very pleased that you're back. It's been so long since we've last had a meal together."

Yuuta didn't even bother to point out the dinner they'd had yesterday, still staring at Fuji. His hair got longer, Yuuta noted, slightly alarmed. _People's hair can't grow inches longer in just one night, can it?_

Yuuta was beginning to feel a bit threatened in this house, and it was only the second day back.

Fuji was looking at him with soft, unfathomable eyes, and with a sigh, put down his fork. "I've been thinking, Yuuta," he began. "I know that you've been living alone for quite a while, and I know that you're capable of taking care of yourself, even if you are a bit rash when it comes to decision making. But that's okay," he hastily added, seeming as if worried Yuuta was going to leave in a rage. Yuuta, however, was far from leaving. He couldn't even think, let alone getting angry and leaving. "I understand that being a boy, you want to feel a bit independent, and I'm fully supportive of you."

Yuuta immediately remembered how Fuji had reacted when he left the house, and shuddered. _Definitely_ a bad memory.

Fuji was chewing on his lower lip, a sign of nervousness that the normal Fuji would never show, and glancing at Yuuta as if hesitating on what he was about to say. And then, with the air of someone who was about to do something brave, Fuji spoke, "I know we've never really been on friendly terms, even though you're my brother, and I'm sure that it's all my fault, but please, don't be so cold, Yuuta. We're family, and it h-hurts when you refuse to speak to me civilly, or when you look at me as if you h-hate me. Don't you understand that I love you?"

Yuuta sat there, shell-shocked and unable to form even one coherent word. In fact, it felt as if he was a lost soul in search of the brother that he was sure he knew once.

Fuji, as it happened, had no idea what was going on, and looked at his little brother tearfully.

When Yuuta got some of his senses back, he tried to say something that would both express his confusion and soothe his distraught brother, but what came out was, "Who are you?" Which, apparently, was a wrong thing to say.

Fuji promptly burst into tears at those words, and Yuuta, horrified and possibly scarred for the rest of his life because of this unexpected reaction, quickly tried to calm his brother down. "Aniki, er, please, er, stop crying. You're not a girl, I mean, I'm not really sure anymore, but, um, stop crying, because I think I'm going mad, maybe I am, 'cause you're really crying." Fuji sobbed harder at this. "Oh no! Did I say something wrong? Um, stop crying, it's getting awfully irritating, aniki, stop, STOP THIS MADNESS!"

Fuji stopped, much to Yuuta's relief, but that didn't last long when the tensai stared up at him with big, miserable, puppy eyes. Yuuta, caught off guard, melted into a puddle of goo. _How adorable_.

"Aniki, I know that for some reason you're PMS-ing... er, unhappy, but whatever it is, figure it out on your own, okay?" Yuuta said, and felt very pleased with himself for being so considerate and frank at the same time, when Fuji's lower lip trembled.

"You really hate me, don't you?" Fuji asked, looking as if all the evil in this world had fallen upon him. "You really wish you never had a brother like me, don't you? Well, let me grant your WISH!" And he grabbed a knife, the butter knife with a blunt edge, and pointed it at himself.

Yuuta, luckily having been trained in tennis to be reflexive in any situations, lunged across the table with the air of a madman and yelled "NOOO!" as he seized the knife from Fuji's hand.

Fuji, seeing Yuuta breathing hard and looking as if his aniki was out of his mind, smiled brightly and said, "Oh, Yuuta, you love me after all!" And he swiftly pulled his brother into a big hug. Yuuta, too confused at this point, could only let Fuji do whatever he wanted.

_He's mad, he's barking mad_.

-----------------------------------------------

It was Momo and Ryoma who saw Fuji first.

"Good morning Fuji-senpai," Momo said cheerfully, then stared. "Er, what?"

"Good morning, Momo," Fuji said happily, oblivious to the stares that not only Momo and Ryoma were directing at him, but almost everybody else present.

Momo didn't have time to ask though, when Yuuta materialized out of nowhere. "Gah!" Momo started and jumped back a foot. "Yuuta-kun? What is going on here?"

Yuuta, looking as if he'd just being through hell and back — with his hair in every direction and his shirt untucked — pushed Fuji toward them. "Take care of him! I'm done! Good bye!"

"Hey, wait!" Momo said, grabbing Yuuta's arm. "What's wrong with him? And, er, why's his hair in two ponytails... actually, _how_ did his hair get so long?"

Yuuta shook his head, a wild look in his eyes. "I don't know! Take care of him! He's going to kill himself if left alone. Gods know how many times he'd nearly been mugged or... er... _groped_ on his way here this morning. If it wasn't for me..." Yuuta glanced at his brother, and shuddered. Without another word he left, or rather, positively fled. He wasn't coming back home until Fuji sorted himself out, and he had a feeling that wasn't for a while.

Momo laughed when Yuuta was gone and turned to Ryoma. "Fuji? Mugged? That's just silly. Like everyone around here don't know better than to do that!"

Ryoma didn't reply, and settled to observe Fuji silently. His senpai was smiling, like he always did, but there was something wrong in that very expression, it was like, there were no defenses, no withholding back, as if... he was showing all his vulnerabilities.

"Momo-senpai," Ryoma said slowly. "Have you ever seen Fuji-senpai defenseless?"

Momo snorted. "Are you kidding? Fuji without his defenses is like a sword without its edge." Momo furrowed his brows. "But really, Fuji-senpai, why's your hair like that?"

Fuji smiled and twirled a bit of his hair around a finger. "It stays out of my face, of course, and my sister always put my hair up like this when I was little."

Momo sweated, and decided, very wisely, to leave the subject alone. "Well, um, I'll see you at lunch then, Fuji-senpai. Let's go, Ryoma!"

Ryoma, however, remained where he was and continued to look at Fuji in deep thought.

"Is there something wrong, Ryoma-kun?" Fuji asked, fingers nervously twisting his hair.

Ryoma didn't reply for a while, then, as if coming to a conclusion, said, "I'll take you to your locker, Fuji-senpai. Our first class is close to each other, after all."

Fuji was surprised, but pleasantly so, and with a soft smile that brightened the dull, winter morning, nodded. "Of course, let's go then."

And so, the two of them walked away, leaving Momo there gaping after them with confusion written all over his face.

_What... just happened_?

-----------------------------------------------

Strangely enough, today the whispers and glances were not directing his way. Tezuka was grateful, but very curious as to why it was so. His curiosity was offered relief, however, when he saw a large crowd, consisted of lots of girls and some boys, making toward his locker.

For a second Tezuka thought they were after him, when he realized that they were actually surrounding someone. Feeling loads better, Tezuka returned his attention to the pile of fan mails streaming out of his locker, and was slightly startled when he heard a very sweet, clear voice called his name.

"Good morning Kunimitsu-kun."

Tezuka sighed, thinking that some girl was actually brave enough to approach him so early in the morning, and turned around -

Only to be greeted by a sight too incredulous for words.

Fuji's smile was as sweet as summer's peaches when he appeared in front of Tezuka, starry eyes gazing into his timidly.

Tezuka paused, and retraced his thoughts. _Timid_?

"Good morning, Fuji," Tezuka said uncertainly, feeling somewhat wary as he stared at the other. Besides the girly hairdo and the blushing face, he seemed fine.

Tezuka felt goose bumps rose on his arms. What was he thinking? Of course Fuji wasn't _fine_. In the six years he'd known him, not once had Fuji blushed or grew his hair a foot inches longer in one night and tied it up into two ponytails like a little girl.

"Kunimitsu-kun," Fuji said softly, hints of embarrassment in his voice. "Is there something wrong with my face? You're staring at me."

"Huh? Er, um." Tezuka cleared this throat, and attempted at looking smartly indifferent (which wasn't very successful once he'd settled his eyes on Fuji). It was then, after five minutes, that Tezuka noticed Ryoma, standing next to Fuji.

"Echizen," Tezuka acknowledged, glad to have something else to divert his attention to.

Ryoma nodded in reply. He came closer to the captain and leaned in, so only Tezuka would hear. "Tezuka-senpai, I'll leave Fuji-senpai with you, then."

Tezuka looked at him questioningly, but Ryoma said, "You'll see soon enough." He then left, unaware of the girls who gazed and gushed at him.

Tezuka returned his attention to Fuji, who had a strange expression on his face, as if he was... jealous, but in a miserable way. Awkwardly (a foreign feeling, or used to be, to the captain), he said, "If we don't hurry, we'll be late for class." This was not true, because class started in fifteen minutes.

It was then that he noticed the crowd had not scattered and was watching them very attentively and excitedly.

"Fuji-kun is so cute -" girl #1 said.

"His hair looks so pretty and soft. I wonder if I can touch it -" girl #2 piped in.

"I wonder if this means we're supposed to call him Fuji-chan from now on?" girl #3 questioned, looking strangely hopeful.

"Fujiko-chan sounds cuter..."

"Does this mean we won't have a chance at all?"

"Does this mean he's _not_ a male?"

The loud whispers were getting irritating, Tezuka thought as he piled his letters on top of his locker, and realized that Fuji was almost drowning in his own heap of fan mails. Tezuka frowned. _What oddity, this has never happened before_.

"Do you need help?" Tezuka asked, easing Fuji to his feet. Fuji, very, very sweetly, smiled and said thank you.

Tezuka sweated a bit in nervousness and puzzlement, but the extent of his emotions didn't stop there.

Especially when Fuji gathered all his mails and put them back in his locker. Some girls, who were naturally Fuji's fans, squealed and giggled annoyingly.

"Um, Fuji?" Tezuka inquired, looking meaningfully at him.

"Hm, oh." Realization dawned on him and Fuji said, in a weird, ladylike voice, "I can't possibly be so cruel as to wave aside these girls' feelings. The least I can do is reply to them face to face, don't you think?"

_No, I don't think_. Tezuka wondered if Fuji remembered the last time he took the initiative to respond to these letters in person, and decided to take a step closer and pressed his palm to Fuji's forehead. _Hm, he's not sick, so what could it be_?

Meanwhile, Fuji was experiencing the greatest moment in his life. His eyes were cast downward in embarrassment and happiness as thoughts of him and Tezuka running and laughing over a lush, green hill with flowers filled his mind.

"Kunimitsu-kun," Fuji said, his eyes shimmering like the dawning sea. "Please, call me Syusuke."

Tezuka was so startled by the request that he jumped backward and nearly fell over. Fuji tilted his head in curiosity, oblivious to the reaction he'd caused.

Like many this morning that had been tempted to ask awkward questions, Tezuka came very close to do just that, when he reconsidered, in his usual, captain-ish way, that things must be carefully observed first before drastic actions were taken.

After giving a small cough, Tezuka nodded and suggested that they left for class. Fuji, immensely happy that Tezuka had asked to walk to class together (mysteriously forgetting the fact that they did this every morning), gave a disarmed smile that glittered blindingly. If it hadn't been for Tezuka's unnatural ability to control his actions, the captain would have covered his eyes and fallen down in a heap of ashes.

As they began the... eventful journey to class, Fuji was occasionally stopped by a girl, who confessed her feelings and was gently, if not girl-ishly, rejected; or a boy, who, not too surprisingly (in Tezuka's opinion), inquired in a rather hopeful voice if Fuji was a girl. To their extreme disappointment, Fuji replied with a no.

Tezuka, for some weird, insane reason, felt incredibly glad about this. But even more insanely, he did a victory dance in his mind, upon which he followed with a mental hands-gripping-hair gesture and asked himself, yes, mentally, _What is wrong with me_? And as he did so, he wondered if he _was_ actually mental.

And _then_ he realized that Fuji was staring at him with the most peculiar expression on his stunningly pretty face --

_screeeeech_

Back-tracking to the previously thought, did he just think what he thought he did?

_Oh god, I must be crazier than I believed I was a second ago_. Tezuka sweated and felt the weight of the depressing world on his shoulders. _I know Syusuke's amazing at making people act the way he pleases, but this is just ridiculous..._

And being so absorbed in concerns for his sanity as he was, Tezuka completely missed the fact that he'd just thought of Fuji as _Syusuke_ in his mind.

"Kunimitsu-kun." Luckily, Fuji decided to call him back to the earthy present, lest he started physically acting out his mental reactions, which, as it happened, he hadn't done in a few years, but that was when he was partially and unexpectedly drunk, so he didn't remember the incident, but still...

"Right, class," Tezuka managed, realized he had spoken in fragments, and decided that his morning was just too out of the ordinary for him to care anymore.

Fuji turned his angelic face to Tezuka and nodded. Tezuka was dazzled.

Of course, having such reaction would freak the captain out, so he stopped himself in time, and promised not to lose his focus (what focus?) in the future. Little did he know that pathetic promise was going to be broken very soon...

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Oishi was in a very tight spot.

For once, he was hated by his homeroom teacher due to his hairdo(!). For another, possibly more pressing matter, Eiji was avoiding him.

Eiji, who would give almost anything just to have a few minutes to sleep in, woke up half an hour earlier than him so he wouldn't have to meet Oishi on the way to school. Eiji, who hated being surrounded by blabbing, gushy females, was practically suffocated by the throng of such when Oishi tried to get near him. And Eiji, who would rather die than to skip lunch, did exactly just that.

And it was all just to shield himself from Oishi.

Even if Oishi was clueless when it came to humans' emotions, he was quite ready to bet on his egghead that Eiji was not very happy with him.

Oh, what was he talking about? Eiji was positively furious with him.

_Why?_ Oishi thought miserably, making most of the people reading this sympathetic toward him. _Tell me, Eiji, what have I done wrong? What _could_ I have done wrong? Why won't you talk to me? We are a pair - the _Golden_ Pair! _And then worry turned to panic. _What will this strife do to our relationship? Our _tennis_! No! The winter competition is approaching! We can't afford to slack off! We will be damaged!_

Oishi, by this point, was, hm, mentally unstable. He hadn't a fight with Eiji in a long time, and therefore completely oblivious as to how to handle the situation. Because, unlike the last time they fought, Eiji wouldn't even let Oishi come near him, let alone say sorry face to face.

_I really did it this time_. Oishi moaned dejectedly and buried his face in his arms. Unfortunately for him, he was in homeroom, and even more tragic, he'd completely forgotten that his HR teacher hated his guts.

"Oishi Syuchiro!" The teacher said sharply, looking extremely gleeful. All the students turned to Oishi, who, in his state of mind, did not hear a word.

"Mr. Oishi!" his teacher said again, her words like acid, sort of like how she looked: strict and a bit slick, to put it mildly. Most of her students would describe her as oily and greasy, gangly and abnormally tall, and some even went as far (or honest) as calling her the witch of the west (see _Wizard of Oz_), with hair just like the witch's hat. But enough about her strong probability of appearing on _Extreme Makeover_...

"Oishi!" She knocked violently on his desk. The said boy, deep in his thought, was caught off guard and jerked his head up.

"_What?_" he snapped, glaring at his teacher. _How dare she interrupt his important thoughts on Eiji_? Momentarily taken by surprise, she jumped backwards and nearly tripped over another desk. Tezuka, sitting a few feet away, looked on in amusement and interest. But he wasn't the only one, though. Everyone else in class was staring at him. Oishi had a reputation of being the most respectful and indulgent student in school. However, everything about him at this moment was far from the usual description of his personality.

"You - how dare you speak to me that way!" she said, feeling insulted, but mostly threatened, since Oishi had not noticed his behavior and was looking murderously at his teacher.

"I'll speak however I like," Oishi replied, his expression deadly calm. "Is that a crime now, sensei?"

Everybody gasped. Tezuka observed.

"Have you no respect for your teacher!" she said, outraged. No one had ever had the gall to speak back to her before, which, as it happened, made her feel empowered and needy for control over everyone, including the staff.

"I give respect whenever it's due," he retorted, eyes flashing at her. "Do _you_ believe you deserve my respect?"

"You!" she spluttered, shaking horribly. "I shall speak to your parents!"

Oishi smirked, which was very unlike himself. "Go right ahead. I doubt anyone will believe you. I am, after all, a model student."

She was getting redder by the minute, looking very much like a slowly cooked sausage… "The students will justify!" she waved her hands, rather frantically, to all around her, turning left and right.

But all the students had mysteriously either taken a snooze or gone temporarily deaf. Or some, inspired by Oishi's courage, began talking curiously loud amongst themselves.

"I shall take you off the tennis team!" she shrieked, pointing to Tezuka, who, up to this point, had been normally quiet and abnormally amused.

Oishi glared at Tezuka, as if everything was also his fault, and sent him a clear, visual message that said, _As if you dare_.

Tezuka, of course, didn't, because he knew better than to provoke Oishi when he was in his aggressive trance. Besides, the Christmas competition was starting soon, and Tezuka definitely did not want to take one of the best players off the team.

"I'm afraid that is not up to you, So-and-So-sensei," Tezuka said coolly. "Only Seigaku's Committee of Juvenile's Offenses created by the Student Council can judge. I am, as a matter of fact, the president of the CJO, and I don't see what Oishi'd done wrong."

The teacher pointed a trembling finger at Tezuka, then Oishi, beyond speechless disbelief. "You're all in this together!" she exclaimed, and then, tearfully, with her hair looking like a slimy, dirtied broomstick more than a witch's hat, ran out of the classroom, positively barking mad.

The students in the room hoorayed and cheered joyfully, coming over to Oishi to congratulate him, but the young man's mind was, once again, filled with thoughts of Eiji.

-----------------------------------------------

Inui was rather curious as the strange whispers began to spread around the school and possibly other schools as well.

From what he heard, Fuji had become what one would call 'a perfect girl'. Being in Class 11 and in another hallway from the rest as he was, Inui did not have a chance to see Fuji face to face. He had hoped to find the tensai during lunch so he could observe the effect of his juice, but that period was strangely rowdy today. He supposed it'd got to do with the Golden Lover's Spat (yes, they even had a name for it). A wave of threatening air swept past him, and Inui pushed his glasses up his nose in nervousness. He hadn't done anything wrong, he believed.

_I mean,_ Inui thought reasonably, _all my life I've dedicated my time to helping people. And sure, I might have given him the Hormones Ignition Juice, but it was purely on good conscience, so there's no need to worry even if everything went wrong..._

Or _that_ was what Inui assured himself. Reality, however, was a real bi--

Reality, however, was another matter.

In fact, it was coming to him in the most unexpected (expected?) way.

Actually, he was coming toward it.

Anyway, Inui was walking in the chilling, rather depressing winter afternoon, when he met Ryoma on the way. No, Ryoma's not the bitchy reality the author was talking about... and apparently the author's attempt at using PG words is failing...

Back to the story...

Ryoma was twirling his tennis racket in his hand absentmindedly, milky brown eyes glazed over in thoughts and completely oblivious to the fact that he was coming very close to a terrifying danger that had, albeit unintentionally, messed up the minds of about half of the regulars in Seigaku tennis team.

Oblivious, that was, until he felt his danger radar sound in his mind. And _then_ Ryoma saw Inui.

Inui's glasses flashed, indicating that Ryoma had, somehow, piqued his curiosity and was now going to be pounded with interrogation soon. Ryoma, being an exceptionally bright boy as he was, saw this immediately and was prepared to battle it out.

And so began the _Western Showdown _music. The two opponents' hands twitched, eyes flashing dangerously.

Then…

"Good evening, sempai," Ryoma acknowledged, his puppy eyes becoming larger as he looked up at Inui.

The sempai, having a very weak spot for adorable things like most of the other sempais in this tennis club, was momentarily distracted by Ryoma's uber cuteness.

Ryoma, seeing an opening, smirked and swiftly stepped into the safe haven that was the locker room, where the _harmless_ sempais were changing.

Inui, on the other hand, knew he was tricked and, in his Inui-ish way, admonished himself and followed Ryoma into the locker room. _Oh well, maybe tomorrow_, he reassured himself.

Upon entering the eerily quiet chamber, Inui knew right away that something was amiss.

He looked around. Eiji was changing and chatting away with Kaidou, so nothing was wrong there (except maybe for the fact that Eiji's face was one of despair and hurt.) Ryoma was being hammered with excited talk from Horio. However, Tezuka, Takashi, and Momo were not here.

Inui frowned. Momo's absence was easy to explain; it was his turn today to assist the first years with cleaning the courts, an exercise he was utmost unwilling to do. Inui smiled happily (in his Inui-ish way, of course) at the remembrance of how Momo had reacted to the news. Oh ho, if he'd only known _who_ it was that recommended him for the job...

Feeling slightly happier, Inui looked around the locker room and, having decided that the missing ones were probably residing near the shower stalls, moved on and was pleased to know that he was correct.

What they _were_ doing, however, was completely out of his imagination.

No, nothing like _that_, you pervies.

When Inui stepped around the row of lockers, he found Tezuka and Takashi standing in front of a shower stall, arms crossed, expression solemn, looking very much like _Men in Black_... however, since they were neither in black nor men...

Since they were neither in black nor followed by a talking pug, Inui assumed that they were just playing jail guards and thought that he could do it much better than they could.

Having decided so, he proceeded to show Tezuka and Takashi the correct way of looking nasty and guard-like... silently... with gestures, and felt especially proud with the belief that he was doing an exceptionally well job.

On the other hand, the two dubbed _Men in Black_ thought Inui was, quite frankly, out of his mind.

In fact, the whole tennis club (or whoever that were present in the room, anyway), having surrounded Inui as he moved around in the process of being weird, believed that he was strikingly insane, and silently wondered if his undying passion for Kaidou was driving him mad(!).

When they all reached this stage of thinking, they all turned to Kaidou mysteriously, causing the poor boy to wonder if it was _he_ that was being weird without knowing it.

Meanwhile, Tezuka and Takashi were beginning to wonder why they were stuck in the spotlight, and suspected that perhaps it had got to do with that of what they were 'guarding'. Tezuka, having more sense, realized right away that it was actually _Inui_ who was getting all the attention. But the anxious and desperately in love Takashi, with only thoughts of his beloved in mind, trusted his misjudged thought and turned his BURNING! mode toward the team members, who, due to their natural born instincts, freaked out.

As it was, confusion and misinterpretations continued to pile up in everyone's mind.

Luckily, or unluckily depending on their identity, the vice-captain entered the stage as _Beethoven Symphony No. 5_ struck up theatrically.

As if on cue, all the boys turned their heads, looking uncannily like a group of people who just got put into a haunted house for the night.

The music stopped, much to the author's dismay, when Oishi glared harshly at the invisible orchestra in anger. Feeling somewhat pleased, Oishi turned to the team members, feeling a vice-captain's viciousness surfacing, when he saw Eiji, standing in the middle of the crowd, looking strangely forlorn and beautiful.

Their eyes connected, and in a flurry of emotions and timeless existence, their hearts connected as well.

And then the moment passed like the touch of a feather, leaving Oishi feeling more desolated than he had ever before. "Eiji..." Oishi started, walking toward his partner, when the said boy avoided his path and neatly slipped away from his outstretched hand.

A cruel, inexplicably long time breezed by as Oishi stood frozen to the spot, with all those present looking at him with rising panic. In any moment now, Oishi was going to flip...

Any moment now...

Very soon...

Very, _very_ soon...

And then Oishi turned and left, completely forgetting his reason for being in the locker room in the first place.

No one understood what was happening, and did not have time to figure out, when the shower stall unlocked and out came Fuji.

Who was immediately startled by finding that he was, for some obscure, possibly unholy reason, the center of attention.

A shy smile bloomed across his face as he subconsciously sidestepped behind Tezuka's back. "Um, hello," he said quietly, peeking up at them all through long, thick eyelashes.

And everyone felt the tension melted away at Fuji's absolute innocence.

"Fuji..." they all cooed, and promptly surrounded him.

Except that Takashi immediately chased them around very viciously and so saving Fuji from the 'devil's clutches' of his teammates.

This left Tezuka and Fuji alone.

(Well, technically, they weren't alone, since Inui was with them, but he was sulking and generally being very inconspicuous so that wasn't worth mentioning... yet.)

Back to the main pairing of this odd fictional piece of crap--

Fuji smiled happily when he saw that he was the only one left with Tezuka, and shuffled his feet nervously. "Oh, well..." he said, not knowing what to say, and noticed that Tezuka had not changed into his tennis uniform.

"Aren't you going to change?" he asked timidly, and, being short as he was, tilted his face to look at the captain. His hair blew back in the process, and Tezuka suddenly found himself absorbed in the depths of his blue eyes. _So pretty_... Tezuka thought absently.

"Oh yes," he replied. "I'm doing it right now."

And to prove his point, Tezuka began changing.

Now see, if it was the normal Fuji, he would have leaned back and appreciated the view while being discrete about it (or not). But this was not the normal Fuji, and being abnormal for today, he acted very out of character.

Which consisted of: 1. blushing furiously as if he was on fire; 2. stepping backward so that he hit his head on the lockers; 3. turning around so that his face hit the lockers; 4. stumbling back so that he tripped over the bench and right into Tezuka's arms.

And this, ladies and gentlemen, was the heaven Fuji had always dreamt of.

This was also the moment in which Inui became worthy of mentioning again, because he was observing the pair very, _very_ fervently. This, naturally, meant nothing good...

Perhaps it was only a few seconds, but Fuji couldn't help but feel so very blissful and shy being wrapped within Tezuka's strong arms. This effect was further intensified when Fuji became fully aware of the fact that Tezuka was shirtless, and that he was very warm, and very...

Fuji let out a little sigh, because apparently there really was no word good enough to describe this feeling. And then, realizing what was going on, Fuji pulled away with his face aflame in embarrassment.

Tezuka fared no better, and although he controlled his feelings better than most, he couldn't help but let a tint of red bloom right across his cheeks.

"Excuse me," they both mumbled, unable to look at each other. They remained in this shy atmosphere for a while, until Inui, bored at the uneventful-ness of it all, stepped out into the main scene.

It was at this moment that Inui began to understand the utmost gravity of the situation he had helped to create.

Fuji, upon seeing him, gave an odd expression. Then it was gone, replaced by an exceptionally bright smile as he walked forward to greet Inui. "Hello, Inui, I haven't seen you all da--"

At that moment Fuji mysteriously slipped and, _somehow_, his arms flung out in front of him and, just _somehow_, his hands were curled into fists, and yes, _somehow_, he managed to punch Inui very brutally on the face with one fist and the other on the stomach.

Inui reeled back, wondering why there was this numbing pain centering around his nose and why there were Kaidou-looking birds flying around his head.

Fuji, meanwhile, was shocked and horrified. "Oh no, Inui, are you alright?" He moved closer to take a look, and strangely enough, stepped on the grip of a tennis racket, causing it to fly up and, by some unexplainable and direction-defying reason, slammed right into Inui's jaw.

"Inui!" Fuji cried. "My a--" But for some reason, he couldn't say 'my apologies'. It was as if the very word got stuck in his throat the moment it realized it was being directed at Inui. So instead, Fuji said something that could either mean he was sore... somewhere, or that he was giving Inui some feces, edited to PG language. Either way, it didn't sound very appealing.

Anyway, Tezuka found it somewhat amusing when this time, as Fuji came near the other boy, he _somehow_, instead of touching Inui's face to examine his injury, he _grabbed_ onto Inui's barely graspable hair, and very interestingly stepped onto Inui's foot so that the poor boy jerked back and smashed his head into the locker's door.

Tezuka didn't find it amusing anymore when he saw that Fuji was getting hysterical over Inui's battered body. Tezuka stepped forward, attempting to calm Fuji down when the smaller boy turned and sobbed desperately into Tezuka's chest. "I d-don't know what's w-wrong... I c-can't hic get close wi-ithout hic h-h-hurting him..." Some more sobbing as Tezuka tried to ease his tears by patting him awkwardly on the head.

"It's okay... hush now..." Tezuka soothed, somewhat guilty that he was feeling happy holding Fuji while the poor boy was sobbing his head off. To hide this, he looked at Inui and said, "You made him cry."

Inui barely had time to correct that statement when the students, those who were still present in the locker room, took the captain's words as a fact and threateningly ganged up on him. "You made Fuji-chan cry!" they said in unison, and attacked.

Meanwhile, Tezuka was left to wipe away Fuji's tears and hush his hysteria. Fuji looked at Tezuka with big, tearful and puppy-ish eyes. "I really didn't mean it," he said miserably.

"I know," Tezuka promised as he led the calming boy out into the courts with the other Fuji's fans in tow.

Inui, severely bruised and bleeding, was left to ponder on this strange, vicious side-effect of his special juice on Fuji and wondered if it actually _was_ the juice's fault, or something else.

-----------------------------------------------

The sun was setting, spreading a soft glow of dusk along the horizon. Sounds of intense tennis training echoed in the quiet evening as a shadowed figure watched the players on the courts. His eyes vigilantly moved across the area, until they rested upon his target.

_Heh._

It seemed that flashes of memories were passing through his mind, because various emotions fleeted across his countenance until it settled upon fascinated hatred, strange as it sounded. His hands curled into fists as he saw his target smiled, flushed because of the heat and exercise. Was this the person who so gallantly beat him in his own tennis? How could he be so… womanly?

Having found no better excuse, he decided that this was just a ploy to get him off guard (even if he was concealed by the dim light and the tree). He smiled triumphantly, feeling proud of the fact that he didn't get tricked (what trick?).

He shook his head. No, he mustn't forget this reason for being here. The thought flared up a hidden anger in him. If only he didn't lose at the underwater game, he wouldn't have been here. The thought shamed him. Really, how could he have let them pull off his trunks in the underwater race? They must have planned it all… oh, this wasn't over yet. He shall have his revenge…

Right, back to work. Tonight, he shall put his plan in motion, and then… _no one would be able to stop him_.

Maniacal laughter surfaced in his mind, causing his face to also look somewhat maniacal.

And then… the sun set. Darkness fell. A gust of wind rushed through the air.

At that very moment, the mysterious boy's attention fell to the middle of the court, where his target was wrapped within a brilliant, white light, and almost cried out in shock.

Something strange had transpired.

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**Readers**: Fuji has his eyes open!

**M.R.**: YES! Why must the mangaka refuse to have Fuji open his eyes? Such beautiful eyes… shivers in love But he'll only be like this when his personality changes or when he's provoked by some strong feelings. By the way, I know I accidentally wrote in ch.1 that Fuji has hazel eyes, well, now he has blue eyes, kk?

**Readers**: … Okay. Why is the evil teacher called So-and-So-sensei?

**M.R.**: Because the author doesn't want people to know who this teacher is, for the poor lady's safety and happiness. It's not because the author is lazy or un-creative or anything... -whistles vaguely-

**Readers**: ...

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**TO BE CONTINUED**

**Chapter 3 - Double Trouble, Troll and Bubble... gum**

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**End of Chapter's Note:** REVIEW :P

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	3. Chapter 3

**Title**: Inui's Super Duper Troubles Mixed with Love Juice, Version 6.66 from the Sadistic Side of Seigaku  
**Author**: orgilion  
**Series**: Prince of Tennis  
**Category**: Romance/Humor  
**Rating**: PG-13 - R  
**Pairing**: mainly Tezuka/Fuji, Seigaku's regular pairings, and others  
**Summary**: Fuji finds a paper that has a list of things Tezuka is looking for in a girlfriend, and Fuji is determined to change to fit the description. Inui steps in to help, and madness befalls Seigaku High when the result turns out to be... well, against all laws of nature, one way to put it. Mpreg, fluff, kidnapping, evil (or is it?) plots, and lots of confusion.  
**BE WARNED:** Of FLUFF ATTACK:P  
**A/N**: I love Yukimura so much. I'd be so great if any of you could recommend me a story with him and the vice captain as a couple. I don't think they are a very popular pairing yet… how sad. If you do recommend me fics of him, I promise the next update will be faster!... er… maybe… Anyway, as a token of love for one of my favorite pairings, one of the scenes in this chapter will be dedicated to them.

As always, forgive my mistakes and feel free to point them out :D

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**Chapter 3 – Double Trouble, Troll and Bubble… gum**  
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_Backtracking to that same morning, at St. Rudolph…_

When Yuuta came to school this morning, Mizuki was somewhat surprised. For one, he was breathless as if he had spent the morning running around nonstop (which he did), looking flustered and untidy as if he had been fighting thugs (which he did), and rescuing damsels in distress (which he did, to a certain extent). Now, usually Yuuta was a very well groomed young boy, with his school uniform neatly tucked and freshly smelled. This was why his current appearance confused Mizuki, who had went through some pretty darn amazing methods to 'persuade' Yuuta to dress impeccably, and yet the boy dared to look excessively unkempt and openly disheveled like that. It baffled Mizuki, and naturally, the tennis team's manager had a peculiar aversion to being baffled by anything or anyone.

So it was no surprise that Yuuta was attacked right after he encountered Mizuki.

"Gomen na sai, Mizuki-senpai!" Yuuta cried, backing up and sweating profusely as he felt the walls of doom surrounding him with each step Mizuki-senpai took forward. "I honestly have a very good reason for this!"

They were standing in the courtyard, underneath the cherry blossom tree, dry and leafless in the cold. Most students passed them by without a glance of curiosity, chatting away happily and generally being in their own world to actually notice the two boys there.

Mizuki arched a defined eyebrow questioningly. "Oh really?" he said airily. "Not only were you at fault, you're going to make excuses to cover it up, as well?"

Yuuta opened his mouth, and then closed it, looking down at his feet witheringly. _Mizuki-senpai is right, it's all my fault for being careless, and to think I'm about to make excuses to shirk away from my mistake!_

"Gomen nasai, Mizuki-senpai," Yuuta said meekly.

Mizuki peeked a look at him through one eye, and could've sworn that the kouhai looked just like a puppy caught naughty, with invisible ears drooping pitifully to his head and soundless puppy's noises of apologies spouting from his throat.

Seeing Yuuta like that, how could _anyone_ be mad at him?

"For goodness' sakes, you silly boy," Mizuki sighed exasperatedly, coming closer and fixing his shirt. "What happened?"

And, just like a puppy being showered with love, Yuuta (and his imaginary puppy body parts) perked up at once. "You're not mad?"

_How am I supposed to get mad when you look like that?_ Mizuki thought, feeling irritated at himself. "Yes I am, so you better explain yourself quickly."

Yuuta smiled brightly, looking as if he had received the best present in his life. _Mizuki-senpai is so kind…_

If anyone had heard that thought, they would have labeled the boy delusional. As it was, Yuuta was in luck that he didn't voice his belief out loud, though the look on his face as he watched his senpai pulling his shirt's collar in place was more than giving it away.

"Well, speak you imbecile," Mizuki snapped, tightening Yuuta's tie and _accidentally_ choking him. "Must you make me wait?" he said impatiently, loosing the tie and feeling somewhat guilty at the pale, oxygen deprived face.

"Sor-"

Mizuki glared at him. "Am I so frightening that you must apologize at least thrice every time you see me?" Yuuta shook his head so swiftly that he got dizzy because of it.

"It was my brother," Yuuta began. Upon hearing this, Mizuki's attention sharply snapped into place. It was no mystery that Mizuki and Syusuke had a grudge against each other, yet, for some obscured reason, this fact was blissfully lost on Yuuta.

"Is there something wrong?" Mizuki asked casually, feeling the excitement of hatred bubbling up inside him as he smoothed out Yuuta's blazer. It was imperative that he knew of everything about Fuji, and then revenge would be as easy as pies and cupcakes!

As for why he should take revenge, well, it was just pure enjoyment on his part to plot and torment. After, what was a life without some scheming and accidental mishap? As for _why_ revenge on Syusuke Fuji, well, the reason would be paramount to why Fuji would like to wring Mizuki's neck, as well.

('a.k.a. Yuuta, you imbeciles,' Mizuki may say to those who haven't caught on yet.)

"Well, he was acting very strangely this morning," Yuuta recalled, shuddering slightly as the memories rushed back to him. "If I hadn't known better, I would've believed he was a woman."

Mizuki inclined his head to the side slightly, causing the soft curls to fall breezily across his creamy pale cheek. Yuuta was dazzled.

"How so?" Mizuki questioned, face tilting up to meet Yuuta's eyes. The action brought their faces closer.

Both boys froze.

Some cheesy romantic jazz struck up as the boys gazed at each other, cheeks faintly flushed and eyes softly glowing with yet to be explained emotions. Underneath the winter tree, their breaths came out thickly, in puffs of translucent air. Somehow, the cold seemed to have disappeared, leaving a tingling, warm feeling creeping up their chests and arms.

Almost unconsciously Yuuta dipped his head down slightly, quietly uttering, "Mizuki-senpai" in a mesmerized voice.

The sound startled Mizuki, and with an embarrassed cough he stepped back. For once in his life, Mizuki wasn't quite sure what he should do, so he did the only thing he could, and directed his attention to Yuuta's messiness.

"Yuuta!" Mizuki said, and mentally cursed himself for sounding shaky. Lucky Yuuta was so dense, otherwise…

"Go to class, and fix that hair of yours! It bothers me that it's not tidy!" Mizuki turned to walk away, but then Yuuta caught his arm, making him turn around.

Once again, they were caught in an awkward silence. "Um," Yuuta tried to speak. It didn't work, so he gave up and pulled Mizuki into his arms.

Apparently this was a wrong move, because the silence had become even heavier than before.

_Oh no, what am I doing?_ Yuuta thought in horror. _He must think I'm an idiot now!_ This was true, because Mizuki had always thought that Yuuta was an idiot.

A very endearing one, at that.

"Yuuta…?" Mizuki muttered, face burning heatedly. He wasn't exactly sure why, but his heart was beating so very flutteringly fast, and his knees were terribly and helplessly weak. What on earth was happening to him?

"I'll see you at practice this afternoon, Mizuki-senpai!" Yuuta said, almost desperately, let go of his senpai, and dashed to class, feeling very angry with himself.

Mizuki, on the other hand, was too dazed to truly understand that something meaningful had just blossomed between Yuuta and him.

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_Back to Seigaku… tennis courts… practice…_

Inui had always praised himself on being able to foresee everything going on in the tennis group, aside from a few, but this situation honestly and _completely_ bypassed his prognosticating ability, and _he_ was the one who instigated the whole mess. Inui was appropriately ashamed.

When the bright light faded into the evening's atmosphere, the tennis boys opened their eyes and turned to the spot where the flash of radiance was a moment ago, and, very naturally, goggled.

This would have been amusing, having at least thirty boys goggling and guffawing like fishes toward one place, but considering _who_ and _what_ it was that they were shocked by, perhaps it was safer to say this was far more intimidating than funny.

Like a scene from a science fiction movie, there sat the prettiest girl they'd had the grace to see in a very long time. This said girl was wearing the boy tennis' uniform and was looking very bewildered, albeit still very pretty.

She blinked her long, pale lashes and opened her rosy, supine lips.

The boys held their breath.

She screamed.

-----------------------------------------------

It was Ryoma who was dispatched to steal some girl's tennis uniform.

Now, considering how wrong the idea in the previous sentence implied, it was actually very necessary. Yes, it was also very necessary to send out Ryoma, of all people. He was not happy with the arrangement, obviously, and did not leave until he was satisfied that most of the members were thoroughly bruised by his tennis skills.

Now here he was, in front of the girls' locker room, feeling somewhat unnerved and very stupid as he stared at the closed door. At this hour, when darkness had just comfortably settled into the sky, he knew that their tennis club had let off a while ago and that the girls might possibly in… _there_… changing.

Ryoma sighed sufferingly, and, not knowing what to do, knocked on the door.

He didn't have to wait long, for the door opened a crack almost instantly. Ryoma was glad that the girl who greeted him was Sakuno, and that she was fully dressed.

She looked surprised to see him there, so Ryoma thought it was time he told her what he was there for.

Clearing his throat, Ryoma said, "Erm." It was as far as he could go, because Ryoma wasn't sure how to ask without sounding like Echizen senior (perverted). For a wild moment he wondered if he should've taken Akai's advice and literally stolen one, instead.

Before anything else could be said, a voice inside floated out. "Who is it, Sakuno?"

Sakuno looked over her shoulder and said, "It's Ryoma-kun, Miki-senpai."

Ryoma was startled to hear a succession of squeals and odd shuffling noises before the door was flung wide open. He nearly bent over when he saw that the girls were barely clad in anything and they were all giggling at him.

"Er…" he said again, and was wryly impressed at his eloquence.

"Ryoma-kun!" One of them squealed. "You're as adorable as always!"

"Are you here to see us? Come inside!"

"Yes, please do, neko-kun!"

Ryoma, very horrified at this point, considered running for it, but he was too late. One girl grabbed his arm and pulled him inside.

The door closed.

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When Ryoma returned, with his body intact but not his sanity, he wondered where on earth the person he went to get the clothes for had disappeared to.

He didn't need to ask, though, for Eiji quickly provided him the information with a quick nod to the shower stall. "He- she couldn't wear those clothes."

Ryoma nodded understandingly. After screaming her throat raw she managed to grab the nearest neck, which belonged to Oishi, and rasped "Skirt, now." She then promptly went back to screaming again.

"After you left she tried to take off her clothes in the middle of the court, _in the bleeding cold_," Eiji muttered, face flaming as he remembered just _how_ close she was to taking off her shirt. "She was hysterical."

Ryoma wasn't as worried as that as he was of Inui-senpai. "How's Inui-senpai?"

Eiji winced. "You may want to see yourself."

At that moment Tezuka appeared, looking a bit weary and very lost. It was the first time in his life that he saw the captain look like that. It was a tiny bit unnerving.

Tezuka actually looked relieved to see Ryoma. "Do you have it?" he asked.

Ryoma nodded, mentally swearing that this was the first and _last_ time he would ever do this, for _any_ reason.

Tezuka took the uniform from Ryoma and went to the shower stall, that of which all the boys were either discreetly or indiscreetly staring at. Even Takashi was in too much of a daze to tell them off.

"Hey," Tezuka called softly, knocking on the door. "Here's the clothes."

"Throw it over." A strangled, girly sort of voice replied. A big gurgle followed from behind the door, then a frustrated deep breath. Tezuka wondered, as he passed the uniform over the stall, just how much self-control she could exercise before she exploded. Although, he suspected Inui had already taken the brunt of it.

Five minutes later they all heard a click, indicating that the door was unlocked. All eyes turned to the shower stall, staring fixedly as if any moment now their wickedest desire was going to step right out and into their arms. It wasn't too far from the truth, considering how they were healthy teenagers who were lucky enough to share the _boys_' locker room with a girl.

The door swung back a bit.

They sucked in their breath, eyes wide.

The door flung wide open.

"WHERE'S INUI?" a formidable voice roared, before an exceptionally pretty girl angrily stepped out into the open. She was about to go find Inui, when she realized that there were boys.

Staring at her.

Hungrily.

At this she defiantly crossed her arms and demanded, survival instinct opting for curiosity, "What's wrong with you?"

Really, there was nothing wrong with them, maybe except for the slacked eyes, the generous amount of drooling, and the commonly boys-being-boys' reactions. They were so mesmerized that they weren't sure where to look first – her (braless) ample bosom, or her smooth, hairless legs, cream-colored and barely hidden beneath the skirt (which apparently belonged to a freshman, since the girl tennis' captain thought the uniform was for Ryoma – a very unfortunate miscalculation, or fortunate, depending on who the person was).

Tezuka, a man with a stoic face, was easily the one who looked unaffected, and was also the one who, thankfully, recovered first. He began to speak, "Guh mhmm hmm," discovered that was _not_ what he wanted to say, cleared his throat, and tried again. "Are you alright?"

She looked at him. "Alright? I'll be soon. You don't happen to have any particularly sharp object with you, hmm?"

Tezuka shook his head.

"Ah, well, I'll just settle for a violent murder then," she said, way too cheerfully. "Excuse me." And she purposely went over to Inui, who was sprawled out on the floor, barely conscious or recognizable. She looked around, saw the bench, thought it was a good weapon, bodily ripped it out of the floor and lifted up, and was about to let go on top of Inui.

At this point, the boys got out of their stupor and realized that, if they stood and watched, someone was going to get killed.

Oishi jumped at the girl, grabbing her around her waist. "Fuji, NO!"

"Let me go, Oishi, or you'll get worst," the "girl" snarled, struggling to get away and therefore caused the skirt to ride up her legs just a little bit more…

By this point, though, the boys were more distracted by what Oishi had said than the delectable sight in front of them.

"Oishi-senpai," a second year said, "did you just said… Fuji?"

All the regulars looked at them strangely. "Yes, this is Fuji-senpai," Ryoma said, understanding in his eyes as he realized the other non-regulars did not notice it was Fuji-senpai. He supposed that was natural, since they never spent much time with him and therefore wouldn't know much about him, anyway.

The boys, having being subject to the harsh truth, looked on, stone-faced and lost in the realm of unanswered questions, one of them being _how is this possible_?

No doubt, this question was what the regulars were asking themselves. Then again, anything involving Fuji was bound to have a… brilliant effect, despite results.

And this was _definitely_ brilliant.

When Oishi looked as if he could no longer restrain Fuji, Tezuka decided to take action. He gently took Fuji's arm and called her (his?) name.

Fuji automatically paused in her attempt of murder and looked back at Tezuka. "Tezuka," she said softly, momentarily forgetting her purpose.

Tezuka, at least, was glad he'd managed to calm Fuji down. "Put down the bench, Fuji," he commanded gently, and Fuji complied, dropping in right onto Oishi's foot.

Oishi wasn't sure if it was on purpose or not, and felt that, for the sake of his sanity, he'd better not answered his own question.

As he nursed his wound, Oishi carelessly missed a worried look directed at him from none other than his beloved, sweet neko-kun. Ryoma saw, though, and felt somewhat exasperated, but he said nothing. Anything involving the Golden Pair would eventually sort itself out, either way.

Tezuka turned to the others, looking stern and captain-ish. "It's past the time you should be home. Hurry and leave," he announced, eyeing each one of them as if daring them to protest. None did… verbally.

"Except the regulars," Oishi added. Tezuka looked at him. Oishi looked back. "We deserve to know, at least," he said defiantly. The other regulars nodded.

Tezuka sighed. "Everyone else, begone."

Everyone else sulked, glared, albeit secretly, just in case Tezuka was watching, and left.

When the door closed with a quiet click, all the regulars automatically surrounded Fuji.

"You're a girl!"

"What happened?"

"Feeling alright?"

"You're a girl!"

"Look at you, you're so pretty!"

"Fuji's a _girl_!"

Fuji glared at all of them, though his look weakened when it fell on Tezuka, who didn't even notice. "Will you please stop stating the obvious," Fuji said, irritated.

"You're wearing a skirt," Momo said. They all looked at him, feeling somewhat sorry as Fuji did his work.

Five minutes later found Momo lying on the floor, bleeding and unconscious.

"What happened, Fuji?" Oishi asked. "You feeling alright? I mean, you were screaming for a while back there…"

Fuji shook his head. "Of course I was screaming. It hurt so badly."

"Why?" Eiji asked, eyes wide and curious. Oishi flinched slightly at the sound of his voice.

"Because I wasn't wearing girl's stuff," Fuji explained and rounded on Ryoma. "You! Why didn't you get some underwear?"

Ryoma, so dumbfounded at the question, spluttered, "But-?"

"If I'm not completely garmented in girl's clothes, I hurt," Fuji explained.

Tezuka, feeling very weary and very impatient, grabbed Fuji's arm and forced him down on the bench, then spent one captain-ish moment helping Fuji cross his legs, lady-style, and _not_ having strange thoughts. "Start from the beginning, please. I would like to know why you're in this state, and … does this somehow relate to your behavior today?"

Against his will Fuji turned red. The boys tried hard not to melt that the cute sight. "Why are you looking at me with accusatory eyes?!" Fuji exclaimed hurtfully. "If you want answers, then ask _him_!" He pointed to Inui.

"What's Inui got to do with you turning into a girl?" Takashi asked, _finally_ acting like himself again.

Fuji crossed his arms. "Everything."

At this moment a dreaded thought passed through Tezuka's head. "Fuji, don't tell me you…?"

Fuji grimaced. "Umm..."

Tezuka let out a very exasperated, strangled sort of sound, and shook his head. "Why did you drink his Special Unknown Possibilities Juice? There is a reason why it's called Unknown Possibilities, you know?" Tezuka reprimanded him.

"But!" Fuji protested. "I had to. If I didn't then…" At this point, Fuji clamped up on that thought. They all glanced at each other with suspicion in their eyes. "Anyway, what's done is done. Now you need to wake him up and tell him to fix this mess." Fuji pointed at Inui.

Kaidou decided to take this task into his own hands and came over to Inui-senpai. Despite sympathizing with Fuji-senpai, Kaidou felt, very deep, deep down, and just a little deeper, a hint of pain seeing his senpai all bruised up. "Inui-senpai, wake up," Kaidou hissed softly, poking him on the shoulder.

The result was instantaneous. Upon feeling Kaidou's touch, Inui sprang to life and grabbed at Kaidou. "My love!" he cried, squeezing Kaidou tightly. The boy, surprised at the sudden action, reflexively punched Inui.

The others sweated, very confused and dizzy at the eventful evening.

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_Rikkai Daigaku Fuzoku… Physics Lab… that same night…_

Yanagi Renji wiped the sweats off his face, smiling happily as he stepped back and observed his newest creation. Finally, after months of desperate physics studies and experiments, he had finally developed a scientific breakthrough. With this, he would surely win the International Science Competition this year. Renji grinned, a bit eerily, as he rubbed his hands together in glee. Last year, Inui had surpassed him with his Transformation Juice, but this year, there was no way Inui was going to win. Renji laughed, sounding frighteningly like a witch, and fainted.

It was only natural, since he had stayed up for over three weeks to finish it. If only he knew how disastrous it was for him to fall asleep like that, without hiding away the 'scientific breakthrough' first…

Outside, a storm broke out.

-----------------------------------------------

Yukimura looked up from his work, mildly startled by the sudden sound of lightning outside, and was bewildered to find that it was nearly dinner time. He was sitting in the student council's office, finishing his data analysis on his teammates.

It wasn't that Yukimura was a member of the student's council, per se. For some reason, the president had insisted on giving him an extra key to the place. In fact, the vice president, the treasurer, and the secretary of the council all redundantly handed him one each. He wasn't quite sure why they would do that, but then again, Yukimura wasn't particularly observant when it came to people's feelings toward him.

Which was why he and Sanada were still 'friends'.

But that little information came in later. Now, he was just about to put away the stack of papers when the door to the office opened in a flash of thunder. Yukimura's eyes widened, and then a smile broke across his face.

"Genichirou," he greeted, making to stand up, but Sanada gave him a look.

"Stay where you are," the addressed boy said stiffly, coming over to his friend.

Yukimura's eyes twinkled unfathomably and sat down. "Why are you still here at this hour of the night, Genichirou?"

The questioned gave Yukimura a pointed look. "I figured you'd probably still be here, mindless of the time, so I brought you dinner." At that he set down a plastic bag. A rich aroma of fried noodles and soup tickled his sense, and Yukimura giggled.

"How thoughtful of you," he commented, and on a more serious note, added, "Thank you."

Sanada was glad it was dark, otherwise it would have been harder to hide his blush. Sometimes he wondered if Yukimura knew the effect he had on other people, and decided probably not.

As Yukimura finished his work, Sanada patiently waited for him, a silent figure standing still underneath a stormy dark night, unwavering and seeming almost cold-hearted. The scene had an atmosphere of archaic mystery, like a painting of a samurai waiting on his alluring master.

And then, like all things of beauty, the moment was broken by a loud thump from above them.

They both looked up, and then at each other, a question in their eyes.

"The physics lab is above the office, yes?" Yukimura murmured softly, gathering all the papers into one neat pile and stood up.

"Should I go and investigate?" Sanada questioned. Yukimura shook his head.

"No you shouldn't," he replied, and took the heap of data into his arms. "_We_ should."

Sanada nodded, an understanding between them, as he picked the stack of papers from his captain. "I'll take these. Now let's go." And without another word he swept out of the room.

Yukimura, somewhat exasperated but very touched, followed.

The thunders made ominous shadows against the empty building as the two made their way to the lab. Yukimura shivered slightly, feeling cold and horribly exposed to his childhood fear. Naturally, he was grown up and rarely felt the full impact of his ceraunophobia, but old habits died hard, and even if he wasn't frightened of the lightning, he still reacted to it.

"Oh!" Yukimura exclaimed quietly, feeling a warm hand grasping his.

Sanada didn't say anything, just gave his hand a firm squeeze and tugged him along. His bewilderment dissipating, Yukimura was struck with another emotion, somehow different and pleasant. It just sort of settled in his chest and made him feel all cozy and nice.

_He just always knows_, Yukimura thought, and bumped his head lightly against Sanada's shoulder. _He's such a good friend_.

Somehow, it just completely baffled anyone who knew them that they were still obliviously engrossed in their role of being a 'friend'.

The door to the lab loomed closer, and with a terse knock Sanada opened it.

A flash of lightning sent lights bouncing off the walls and floors, and with a horrified expression Yukimura saw Reiji lying on the floor.

"Renji!" He cried, rushing over to his friend.

"Relax, he's only sleeping," Sanada told him as he came forward and knelt down. "See?"

And it was true. Renji _was_ sleeping, snoring softly to himself with the goofiest expression on his face.

Yukimura frowned. "But why is he sleeping on the floor? And in the school?"

Sanada shrugged. It was then that his eyes caught something, a large something half hidden in darkness.

"Seiichi, look," Sanada said, pointing to the thing, which, very soon, would become The Thing (and yes, there _is_ a difference).

They both came closer to take a look. In the eerie light, this machine looked odd and very rounded. In fact, it looked just like an oversized tennis ball.

It seemed that, no matter what happened, the soul of a true tennis player would always shine through.

The thing was perfectly and somewhat disturbingly smooth, even efficiently fused with the data screens, except for one bump, with one letter carved underneath it.

_D_.

"D…" Sanada said thoughtfully.

Yukimura frowned deeply. "It's not like Reiji to not finish what he's writing." He raised his hand to touch the surface. "Could this be the machine he's been secretly working on the past months?"

Sanada, however, had just figured out what the _D_ might possibly mean. With wide eyes he reached out to grasp Yukimura's hand.

"NOOOO!"

But it was too late.

It was all too late.

The window flung open, sending a splatter of winter and wind into the room. The curtains blew back violently. The machine caught the blaze of the white light, momentarily looking like a scheming devil.

Renji curled up into a ball as he fell deeper into his sleep, oblivious to the horrible and hapless fortune that had befallen his friends.

Who were no longer there.

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_Back at Seigaku_… _locker room…_

When they were sure Inui was … _somewhat_ safe from Fuji's wrath, they settled down for conversation.

This consisted of much glaring and frightened jumps and stuttering and blood that couldn't be good for one's heart.

Tezuka was so fed up with their actions that he gave his death glare. That did the trick.

"As I was saying, the Special Unknown Possibilities Juice, Version 5.52 is very potent in its effects, and as such, _may_ have sidestepped over to some other traits and messed them up royally," Inui explained, then paused. "However, I do wonder about Fuji's unaltered violent streak. That was the one point I did focus on erasing from his personality."

Oishi looked at Fuji, whose expression still resembled a pretty devil waiting to pounce on his prey. "It's only natural, I suppose. It's already difficult to try and alter people's natural characteristics, but it'd be even more so when Fuji didn't learn to be revengeful and violent. He was _born_ with such traits."

At this they all nodded somberly. Fuji, despite himself, pouted. Takashi's nose dripped blood.

While Momo helped his senpai stop the flow of blood, Eiji hit his palm with his fist. "So that's why even when Fuji was acting out of himself, he was still able to remember Inui and tried to inflict pain on him."

They all, except Fuji, who just pouted, winced. "Fuji's unconscious is overwhelmingly terrifying," Momo said. They nodded in agreement.

Eiji tilted his head, the action catching Oishi's eyes. The latter quickly turned away.

"So, as it stands, when Fuji is a boy, he acts like a girl, and when he's a girl, he's himself?"

"It would seem so," Inui said, rubbing his chin thoughtfully.

"What _did_ you put in that juice, Inui-senpai?" Ryoma asked, the only one who actually came up with a crucial question.

Inui shrugged. "Just a little bit of this, a little bit of that, you know, a little sugar, spice, and everything nice…"

"But," Oishi said, puzzled. "Aren't those the ingredients to make a perfect little girl?"

There was a very dreadful silence in which the truth dawned on them.

"Inui."

The acrimonious aura exulting from Fuji was strong enough to scare anyone near him to scoot as far away back as possible.

Indeed, they could almost see the smoke rising from his darkened form. Inui sweat-dropped.

Outside the locker room, a toe-curling scream was heard, and was abruptly silenced.

The birds squawked in annoyance and settled back into their nest.

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Oishi looked at Eiji hopefully as the boys filed out the locker room to get home.

Eiji, however, bounced right past the vice captain and grasped Fuji's arm. "Nya, Fuji, let's go home together!" he said, his excitement fake and his expression one of complete despair.

Fuji felt so sorry for the both of them that for a second he considered threatening them both to walk home together. However, with Eiji in this state of mind, Fuji didn't think it was a good idea.

So with a sympathetic look toward Oishi and one last glare at Inui, Fuji left with his friend.

Tezuka looked after them, and patted Oishi on the back. "There there," the captain comforted as Oishi hung his head miserably.

Fuji shivered in the night, glad that he was wearing his waterproofed coat Yumiko sent him from Paris, completely lost to the fact that it made him seem even more girly, implausible as it was, considering he _was_ a girl.

Eiji was, as it happened, ranting on about Fuji's current state of self. "No wonder you acted so oddly! It only makes sense, I suppose, if in your manly body you are able to wear regular boy clothes, then you'll be nature-bound to wear girl clothes in this body. Oh well, at least you make a pretty girl, Syusuke-chan!"

Fuji sighed. There was no time to contradict Eiji, because, for once, he was too worn out to think logically, and for another, it was killing his sight looking at Eiji the Oxymoron, with voice heavily coated with anguish and the countenance of the deepest form of suffering, yapping away in the pretense of being the happiest man on earth.

"Goodness, Eiji, will you please stop it!" Fuji said impatiently.

Eiji clamped up, wide eyes glistened with large, inhuman-like unshed tears. "Syusuke-chan…" he whimpered. For a split second Fuji was hit with an uncanny image of a meow-ing cat.

As much as it pained him not to be able to hug Eiji and coddle him, Fuji knew that a talk was in order. "Don't you give me that look," Fuji said tersely, softening his voice when the unshed tears seemed to get impossibly and threateningly larger. "All I know is that since I told you to talk to Oishi yesterday, you have been looking like a walking undead." Fuji stepped closer to Eiji, vaguely noticing that he himself was several inches shorter, and touched the other boy's cheek. "Tell me?"

Eiji's lips trembled fetchingly, and with a tearful "WAH!" he hugged Fuji hard. "I hate Oishi! He's a baka! Baka baka baka! I hate him so much I can't stand it!"

Fuji wrapped his arms around the bawling boy and said soothingly, "It's alright, tell me what happened."

Eiji sniffed. "I met him on the courts like you told me to yesterday." Fuji nodded encouragingly. "He was grinning like an idiot and running toward me. I was so happy, I thought he was going to properly…" He blushed. "You know."

Fuji nodded. "I know." _Kiss you, duh_.

"I thought he was going to tell me what I wanted to tell him."

_Guess not. _

"He grabbed my hands," Eiji said, eyes getting all misty in remembrance. "He was standing so close, I was so very excited."

At this point tears fell from Eiji's face.

"And then he said he was sorry and he said that the reason why he kissed me was because of the effects from Inui's Hormones Ignition Juice!"

As Eiji went on with his sobbing and general state of pitiful-ness, Fuji was shaking in exasperation and amusement. How on earth was he able to make friends with such lovestruck idiots was beyond him. Obviously Oishi was in a state of denial where he hid his feelings for Eiji in fear of rejection, and had gone so far as to drill the mantra of "I'm not in love with Eiji Kikumaru" into his brain that he actually believed it. And because of all his nervousness and worries, it was the only escape way his mind could come up with to cope with such a startling revelation so that Oishi wouldn't have to go into a nervous breakdown.

Fuji rolled his eyes. Oishi and his foolish worries, trying to help and ending up hurting the one he loved most. Fuji wanted to inflict pain on something (or someone).

"Eiji," Fuji said, holding Eiji's shoulders and forcing the boy to look into his eyes. "You must talk to Oishi." Eiji looked about to protest, but Fuji hushed him. "I know it may be hard, but Oishi is very confused right now. Apparently he hasn't realized the extent of his feelings for you, and apparently denial isn't just a river in Egypt," he added under his breath. "But," Fuji carried on blandly, "we must endure this pain and carry on, so that in this thick and endless midst of confusion some light will be shed."

Eiji, not understanding a word Fuji said, nodded blankly. "What I'm saying is," Fuji explained slowly, "you have to tell him how you feel." _Because if left alone, that idiot will probably stay celibate for the rest of his life convinced that he's _not_ in love with little Eiji-kun_.

Eiji's eyes were wide as saucers. "What, no!" He stuttered. "I mean, I can't possibly… it's…"

"Do you want to be friends with Oishi again or not?" Fuji asked plaintively. Eiji could only nod, swallowing thickly. "Then you must speak to him. You know how dense he is when it comes to feelings and stuff. There's no way he'll be able to figure it out by himself. I bet that he's been spending the last day wondering what he's done to deserve such treatment from you."

Eiji opened his mouth, then closed it, speechless.

Eventually he mumbled, "I'll think about it."

Fuji smiled. "That's the spirit."

Eiji smiled back, tiredly, and shivered. "I'm cold."

Fuji frowned. "Where's your jacket?"

"… At home."

Fuji gave a suffering sigh. "You must have been so keen on avoiding Oishi today that you completely forgot about bringing it, didn't you?" Eiji's silence confirmed his question. "Can't be helped. Here, take my coat. God knows you need it more than I do."

"But…"

"No buts," Fuji said firmly. "You know I haven't gotten a cold for as long as we could remember, so just be quiet and put this on."

Eiji looked as if he was about to let out another storm of water himself as he shrugged on the coat. Fuji melted at his adorableness and pulled the hood over his head. "Here, this will make it warmer. Now let's go."

But before they could take even one step, a blurred silhouette appeared from the darkness. They two of them barely had time to utter a sound before Eiji was engulfed in that blackness and whisked away into the night.

Shocked at the disaster that had just unfolded before his eyes in less than a minute, Fuji could only stand there, in his skirt and undersized shirt, staring into the darkness.

Five minutes later, it occurred to him that Eiji Kikumaru had just been kidnapped.

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_The Atobe Manor_…

Atobe looked up from his book _Beauty and the Best_ very suddenly at the sound of thunder outside. The crystallized window flashed sharply. Atobe frowned, a warning inside his head.

He coughed quietly, a noise so low that it could barely be discernible, but it was heard.

Exactly five seconds later a knock on the door sounded, and in came Kabaji.

Atobe looked at him. "It's coming soon. Call up the elected captains and tell them that the meeting is in order. The missing one will be 'It'."

Kabaji grunted and left.

Atobe smiled satisfactorily. "Soon, Operation: White Knights and Black Princes will be in effect. Now, all that's left is to wait."

So Atobe leaned back against the white tiger's furred chair and continued with _Beauty and the Best_.

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**To Be Continued… **  
**Chapter 4 – When Everyone Panics and Generally Does Nothing While Some Stuff Happens...**  
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**End of Chapter's Note**: REVIEW :P  
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	4. Chapter 4

**Title**: Inui's Super Duper Troubles Mixed with Love Juice, Version 6.66 from the Sadistic Side of Seigaku  
**Series**: Prince of Tennis  
**Category**: Romance/Humor  
**Rating**: PG-13 - R  
**Pairing**: mainly Tezuka/Fuji, Seigaku's regular pairings, and others  
**Summary**: Fuji finds a paper that has a list of things Tezuka is looking for in a girlfriend, and Fuji is determined to change to fit the description. Inui steps in to help, and madness befalls Seigaku High when the result turns out to be... well, against all laws of nature, one way to put it. Mpreg, fluff, kidnapping, evil (or is it?) plots, and lots of confusion.  
**BE WARNED:** of time lapses. I jump from day forward to day back and morning back to night forward to morning. Don't get confused.  
**A/N**: I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas/holiday! Here's a late Christmas update for those who are sitting home enjoying a cup of coffee!

Thank you for those who've been reviewing as well as pointing out my mistakes. You've no idea how much that's helped me. Please keep on doing so (nicely), and thank you again for keeping up with my slow updates!

As always, randomness abounds!

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**Chapter 4 – When Everyone Panics and Generally Does Nothing While Some Stuff Happens…**  
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_December 24th, 19XX…morning_…

The sound of the waves was soothing as it gently called him awake. Eiji happily took the hand of morning and let her pull him back to consciousness…

And then he realized that the conscious consisted of at least five different voices murmuring something very suspicious and possibly illegal near him.

"You imbecile! I asked you to do a simple little thing, and you went and screwed it up!"

"Well, how am I supposed to know! He was wearing Fuji's coat, and with his height, and figure… you can see where I may have had problems!"

"Fuji was your opponent! You're supposed to know!"

"What kind of argument is that?"

"Shup up, will you? I think he's waking up!"

"Shite! Someone, quick! Get the masks!"

"What masks?"

"We're kidnappers! He's not supposed to see our faces!"

"What the hell! We're not kidnappers!"

"No, we just conveniently happened to accidentally knocked him unconscious and purposely dragged him all the way to Okinawa while keeping our identities a mystery. Yeah, totally not kidnappers."

"We have good intentions! Kidnappers don't!"

"He doesn't know that! Hell, the girl he was with most definitely didn't!"

"Will you idiots shut the hell up! He's waking up!"

"Crap! The captain's coming!"

"Damn it, we're so screwed! Kai, there was a reason why I told you this wasn't going to work!"

"This is no time to be blaming each other! Let's get the hell outta here!"

"What about _him?"_

"Knock him unconscious!"

Eiji, however, was wide awake at that point, and blurred away from his kidnappers with his incredible speed, eyes now open.

"NOOO!" One of the kidnappers yelled, trying to cover his face.

Too late.

Eiji's eyes widened as his jaw dropped. "Y-you…"

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_Previously, December 23rd, 19XX_… _night time_…

When Yuuta got home that day, flustered, confused, and pitifully distracted by certain events that day, he was taken by another… surprise.

Yuuta wondered how many surprises he could take before he dropped dead due to a heart attack.

There were people in his house. Yuuta wasn't exactly bothered by the fact that there were people in his house, but more by the fact that they were all Seigaku's regular players, and they were _mean_ looking (even the nice ones).

But that one thing that really nearly killed him was the sight of his brother in a _skirt_.

With_ … breasts_.

_And… smooth_.

Like, the really smooth, _hairless_, female sort of kind.

It really was no surprise when Yuuta fainted from shock upon hearing a female's voice flowing out from his brother' mouth, calling his name.

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"_Honey! I'm home!" Yuuta called as he stepped inside the house, pulling his cravat loose as he took in the aromatic smell coming from the kitchen._

"_Welcome home, Yuuta-kun!" His wife ran out to greet him, in one hand she held a spork and the other a pair of chopsticks. "You're just in time for dinner."_

_Yuuta didn't hear a word his wife said, mind lost to the tantalizing sight of his significant other in an apron._

_Just.. an apron._

_Yuuta dropped his suitcase and proceeded to make babies with his wife._

"_Yuuta-kun…" his wife moaned._

_Yuuta's hands trailed downward as his lips pressed to the curve of the pretty neck. "Mizuki-chan…"_

_Yuuta realized what he had just said and pulled back._

_Hajime Mizuki's face appeared in front of him._

"_M-Mizuki-kun, what are you doing in my house? Where's my wife?" Yuuta asked, confused._

_Mizuki smiled sweetly. "What on earth are you talking about, sweetie? I'm your wife, of course!"_

_And then that face turned to his brother's. "Hi Yuuta, I forgot to tell you, but for the past seventeen years I've been a girl," Syusuke Fuji said, hair growing longer from his head and breasts growing mysteriously from his chest._

In his dream, Yuuta fainted back into reality -

- And screamed when he saw that the horrifying image of his dream had followed him all the way back to the real world, into his living room.

"Yuuta! Yuuta!" Syusuke cried, panic in his voice as he tried to calm Yuuta down, conveniently oblivious to the possibility that it was _he_ who was making the situation worse.

Oishi, bastard!mode on, snapped and pulled Syusuke away, looming frighteningly over Yuuta.

The others held their breath. Everyone knew better than to mess with Yuuta. Syusuke was not the most forgiving person when it came to his little brother.

Apparently, Oishi knew that, too.

"Don't cry, Yuuta," Oishi cooed sweetly. "And go back to sleep, okay?"

Yuuta, confused, shook his head like a baby. "Aniki…?"

"Yes, your aniki is here, and he is not a girl. It is all in your head. You are dreaming and tomorrow you will wake up and your aniki will be a boy again. Now run along back to your dream, little boy," Oishi said all very convincingly.

Yuuta nodded and curled up into a ball on the sofa.

They all sighed and relaxed. They truly thought Yuuta was going to lose his mind. Then again, with Syusuke looking like he had defied all laws of nature and wearing clothes very much like so, they really weren't that surprised.

Takashi was very, very sad, not knowing what he was supposed to do, and so he opted to cry openly. Syusuke handed him a tissue paper. Then he gave him a box of it.

Ryoma yawned, unconsciously leaning closer to Momo as he pulled his legs up. He was tired, but this was urgent and he wasn't about to brush aside his teammates' worry in favor of his own need.

Momo thought as Ryoma, even if he didn't know that he was thinking Ryoma's thoughts (or was it the other way around?). Very normally, as if he had done this too many times to actually consciously realize it, Momo slid down the sofa a bit for Ryoma's head to rest comfortably on his shoulder.

Inui sat very still, face expressionless like always, but Kaidou sat next to him, and the slight increase of his body heat was more than enough to confirm him that Inui was very worried, as well.

Tezuka, on the other hand, looked expressionless.

Syusuke just looked like a girl.

Oishi looked slightly insane.

This was how the regulars of Seigaku expressed their worries over the Eiji's kidnapping incident.

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_Forwarding to December 24th, 19XX_…_morning_…

Eiji was mad.

He was more than mad. He was furious, livid, enraged, incensed, every synonyms of anger you could find in the thesaurus and his kidnappers were having a tough time trying to calm him.

"I want a chocolate brownie! _Now_!" Eiji whined loudly, stamping his feet on the floor and glaring at each of them in turn.

They panicked, making arm motions which translated into 'Shut the hell up you megaphone-niac' and 'Please someone do something to shut his big mouth off'.

The reason they were bustling around crazily trying to appease Eiji's wishes were mostly due to the fact that they had kidnapped someone very clandestinely, without their captain's consent. If Eiji decided to scream and run for it, they would be in _so_ much trouble with Kite it wouldn't even be funny.

No, it would probably be very painful, and possibly deadly. Even if they were martial artists, they weren't so strong that they'd be able to endure Kite's punishments.

"Chinen! Go get him a brownie!" Kai commanded. Chinen hissed at him.

"I don't take orders from anyone but the captain!" he said stubbornly.

Kai rolled his eyes and looked at Rin. Rin nodded and turned to Chinen, his eyes fluttering madly as he leaned in. "Go get a brownie, yes, Hiroshi?" he asked sensually, breath tickling Chinen's ear.

With an incoherent squeak Chinen disappeared.

Eiji was fascinated at that.

"He's so obedient!" Eiji commented eagerly to Rin, who, completely forgetting about self-reservation, grinned happily.

"Yeah, he's like my b or something. He's really adorable even if he is kind of mean!"

"Wow!" Eiji said, eyes sparkling. "How do you make him like that?"

"I don't know, really. We grew up together and he just obeys me." Rin shrugged and turned to Kai. "Right, Kai? Yes?"

Kai, irritated at his personality, slapped him around the head. "Shut the hell up, you baka. If you hadn't noticed, you're cozying up to the enemy."

Rin glared at him. "He's _not_ the enemy. You just don't like him because he beat you at the Nationals like, two, three years ago."

Kai turned red, cracking his knuckles menacingly. "What did you just say?" he growled.

Rin pouted mockingly. "If you touch me the captain will kill you."

Kai shook in anger, and then with a sadistic smirk he retorted, "Only because you're a fake who can't even protect himself."

Rin gave a strangled shout and jumped at Kai. "You bastard!"

Shiranou, at this point, got frustrated at their antics and decided to interfere. "If you both don't stop I'll make Kei kiss you."

Tanishi Kei, standing not too far away, made a face at that. "Shiranou-san, I, er, don't feel very comfortable doing that…"

"Shut up, you imbecile," Shiranou growled, glaring at him. Tanishi grumbled an apology and slinked away, sulking.

Rin and Kai, at this moment, stopped bickering and turned to Eiji, who was watching with face full of curiosity and interest.

"I thought you were only mean to your opponents and their teams. I didn't know you act this way around your own teammates as well," Eiji said, puzzled.

"It's their nature," Aragaki said, joining in the conversation for the first time since Eiji woke up. "We're wild and aggressive."

Eiji grinned. "Well, you did grow up learning martial arts, after all."

Aragaki gave a little smile, touched by Eiji's vibrant nature. "I'm Aragaki, what's your name?"

Eiji happily bounced to his feet and took Aragaki's hand. "Call me Eiji!"

Kai and Rin grumbled at their friendliness, wondering how and _why_ they got to the point of being kidnappers to friends.

"If you have stopped with your little friendly chitchat, then let's get back to being kidnappers and the kidnapped," Rin grumbled.

"That can sound really porn-ish, if you think about it," Kai said, contemplative. They decided to ignore that remark.

"I wasn't the one who wanted to go and kidnap someone, and then accidentally kidnapped someone _else_," Aragaki said coolly.

Rin blushed. "I told you already, it's _not_ my fault! How am I supposed to distinguish between him and Fuji! Especially when Kikumaru was wearing Fuji's coat! It was a completely innocent mistake."

Eiji tilted his head. "Does that mean you wanted to kidnap Syusuke-chan? But why would you make that mistake? He was right next to me."

Rin gave him a puzzled look. "There was a girl next to you," he stated blankly.

It took Eiji a second to remember that there _was_ a girl next to him, and that girl was also Syusuke.

Eiji scratched his head, wondering if he should reveal this little piece of information, and shrugged. Oh well, he thought, what they don't know won't hurt them.

It wasn't until a little later that Eiji realized how wrong he was.

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_December 23rd, 19XX_…

Midnight was approaching. Inui had gone home, promising to work on the case of Eiji's disappearance. Fuji, though frighteningly pissed at being stuck as a girl, couldn't deny that there was another more important matter to attend to, which was Eiji.

On the other hand, Oishi had called to talk to Eiji's family, telling them that the tennis team was going on a trip for a while, so Eiji was not going to be back soon, and since Momo was incredible when it came to faking people's voices, the Kikumaru's family came to believe this lie implicitly and unquestioningly. Oishi had never felt guiltier in his life as Eiji's parents praised him for being such a caring friend.

Yep, definitely guilty.

And most certainly miserable. It seemed like these past two days were filled with nothing but these depressing emotions as Oishi watched Eiji longingly. He missed playing tennis with Eiji. Tezuka had tried to fix the situation, but then Eiji gave such a despairing look that the captain had to pair him off with Echizen. Oishi had never imagined that one day he would become the reason why his partner as well as his closest friend was miserable.

Then again, he had never imagined that one day, not being able to _be_ with Eiji would hurt his heart so much.

This had become quite an agonizing crisis.

As Oishi was walking home, wallowing in his own misfortunes and unhappiness, snow started to fall, and then, all of the sudden, something struck the spot right in front of him.

Oishi jumped back a foot before looking up, and his jaw dropped.

In the darkness, the air in front of him seemed to have split in half, and he could see, through that little crack, the image of Rikkai's captain and vice-captain, both lying next to each other, on a sandy beach bordering a jungle, unconscious.

And when he blinked, the image was gone.

It took Oishi a few seconds to gather his wits.

"Oh, not only am I a jerk in making Eiji hate me, I'm also delusional and possibly insane," Oishi sighed, and kept on walking.

The snow just kept on falling.

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_December 23rd, 19XX_…

Momo was walking Ryoma home. Ryoma had insisted that he didn't need an escort, but Momo was stubborn and told him that his house was on the way anyway (even if it was a lie) and Ryoma might as well just agree to walking home together.

Some words were exchanged, some protests, and then Ryoma grudgingly agreed. For some reason, inner Momo started jumping and dancing and doing the victory sign mentally.

They walked in silence. Momo would occasionally glance over at him and then look away just as quick. Ryoma, on the other hand, just looked on expressionlessly and rubbed his hands together.

"Are you cold?" Momo finally asked.

Ryoma shook his head as his fingers turned blue. "No."

Momo wanted to hit him for being stubborn. "Where are your gloves?"

"Eiji-senpai took them and forgot to give them back," Ryoma replied, pulling his hat down a bit.

Momo thought for a moment, then feeling somewhat heated and bold, grabbed one of Ryoma's hand and stuffed it into his coat's pocket. "There, at least it should help," Momo said, pretending to inspect a particular wall on the road to cover his blush.

Ryoma didn't say anything, and was glad that the dark was hiding his red face. Even if Momo-senpai was going to put his hand in his pocket, he didn't really have to _hold _it.

_Can't be helped_, Ryoma thought, _at least I'm getting warmer_. And it wasn't just his hand that got warmer. It felt like the temperature had just risen several degrees.

The peaceful and shy silence extended between them as they moved slowly home, until something big and potentially dangerous moved in front of them.

Instinctively Momo pushed Ryoma behind him as his right hand reached for the suspicious figure in front of him.

"Ouch! Ouch! Calm down, Omoshiro-kun!"

Momo froze. _That voice… it can't be…_

But it could, and was.

"Heya! What're you doing so late at night?" Sengoku asked happily.

The two Seigaku students looked at him with their eyes twitching in irritation. _What the hell is this guy doing here near midnight_?

"Don't look so glum to see me!" Sengoku said good-naturally. "I'm quite happy to see you guys."

"Sengoku-kun, what are you doing here?" Momo asked impatiently.

At this Sengoku gave a meek smile. "Er, see, that's what I'm trying to figure out."

"Huh?"

"See, since Atobe-kun is holding a meeting with the captains of some selected tennis teams in two days, I came here. Technically I'm not a captain of the tennis club, but since Minami couldn't make it, I'm here as the fill-in."

"So…?"

"Well, since I didn't really have anywhere to stay, and hotels are too expensive, I happened to chance upon Sanada-kun, who offered to let me stay at his house for a few days. So I got there, went to his school because I didn't know where his house was, and then I saw the most peculiar thing," he said the last part in a very mystified voice. Momo was hooked.

"There was this weird light that flashed on suddenly in one of the rooms. My curiosity got the better of me, so I entered the school, which was surprisingly unlocked, and made my way toward the place. Well, first of all, I saw Yanagi Renji lying on the floor. I thought he was dead but turned out, he was just sleeping. I was about to wake him up when there was thunder, and then next to him, there was the weirdest thing I've ever seen in my life.

"It was this tennis ball-looking machine thing, looking evil and weird. I sort of touched it, and the next thing I knew, I was wandering around here, confused and lost." Sengoku brightened up, and clasped Momo's hands. "Good thing I ran into you guys! Lucky!"

Momo and Ryoma, however, felt anything _but_.

"So, who'll let me sleep over at their house tonight?" Sengoku asked cheerfully.

Momo and Ryoma left.

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At precisely midnight Atobe woke up to a heavy body on top of his.

"What on earth --?"

But then everything else that he wanted to say was lodged in this throat when someone pressed a very clumsy, very wet kiss to his lips.

Barely five seconds passed when there were giggles mixing in with short kisses and smiles and Atobe knew immediately who it was.

Slowly his arms came around a small waist, and he returned the kisses as if he had not been sleeping and it was not midnight.

Finally the two came up for breaths, and Atobe stared into those wide, bright eyes. "Hello, Jirou, how nice of you to attack me while I'm – _was_ asleep."

Jirou only giggled and hugged him. "It's Christmas' Eve, K-chan!"

It took Atobe a few moments to register this information.

"… It is…" Atobe said. He had forgotten about it since every year he'd be gone somewhere like Egypt or France or other exotic places for the holidays. But this year, with the upcoming tennis' winter competition and the fact that Jirou refused to leave Japan with him, he had decided to stay home.

"Here's your present!" Jirou pushed a decidedly round present into his chest. It was badly wrapped in gold and silver papers, with some ripped parts being attached with random, school worksheets. Atobe distinctly recognized Jirou's European History homework and made a mental note to tell Oshitari to get Jirou another one later.

"Open it!" Jirou urged excitedly, still sitting on his stomach. Atobe hid a smile and complied.

It took Atobe a while to have the thing opened, since it was wrapped with mostly tape and small pieces of paper than actual wrapping sheets. Finally everything was gone, leaving Atobe holding a mud-stained tennis ball.

Jirou, by now, could barely contain his excitement. "Ne, K-chan, read what it says!"

Atobe turned the tennis ball around and saw words written across the green in indistinctive words.

_From Jirou, to K-chan with love. Merry Christmas!_

And the message ended with two little red hearts drawn connected together.

"Do you like it?" Jirou asked, face flushed with pride and happiness. "It took me forever to write it out, since the ball was all round and it was hard to write on anything but flat surfaces. And then I couldn't wrap it properly. Gakuto offered to help, but I didn't want it because it's my present to you and then I didn't want to give it to you on Christmas because everyone's going to be there and I want just you and m -- umph!"

Jirou shut up when Atobe pulled his head down for a kiss. There was just something about Jirou that made Atobe all gooey and melting inside.

"Despite its outward imperfection," Atobe said against Jirou's lips, "Ore-sama is very pleased. Now, tell me what you want for Christmas."

Jirou snuggled up comfortably in Atobe's arms. "I want K-chan to make me breakfast and then go ice skating with me!"

Atobe thought of all the Christmas events that he had to attend and how much he hated cooking because he didn't know how, and said, "Okay."

"Whee!" Jirou squee-ed and sloppily kissed Atobe on his cheek. "I heart you!"

"Hmm," Atobe said contently and tucked Jirou under the fluffy blanket, "When did you get me my present?" _And without me knowing?_

"Today, after Choutarou and Shishido finished practice, and you know how they practice until late everyday? Well, I was sleeping and forgot to wake up until they woke me up. Then they asked what I was getting you for a present, so I thought for the longest time and figured it out!

"I got this tennis ball from my J-kun's Secret Stash. It was the first tennis ball I've ever picked up." Jirou was grinning at the memory, his arms squeezing Atobe like a teddy bear. "I fought three boys bigger than me in elementary school for it, so it's very special! And since it's special, it's for K-chan!"

Atobe chuckled. "I'm honored that you think of me so highly."

Jirou gave a half frowning, half pouting look. "It's not that I think of you highly, ne, but I love you."

Jirou tilted his head a little when Atobe didn't say anything. Then he smiled when Atobe hugged him tighter and pressed a kiss to his forehead. "It's hard not to love me," Atobe said, pretending to be aloof. Jirou grinned.

"I saw the strangest thing today, walking here," Jirou said, suddenly remembering.

Atobe was attentive.

"While I was eating my ice cream and walking, there was this person who knocked into me. It was weird because he was carrying that jumping boy from Seigaku on his shoulder and he seemed really excited for some reason."

Atobe frowned. "The jumping boy… Kikumaru Eiji?"

Jirou shrugged. "Guess so. It was sad, because he made me drop my ice cream."

Atobe absentmindedly stroke Jirou's hair, listening to him purr contently while thinking. Kikumaru being carried off by someone… what did it mean?

"Did he seem conscious, the jumping boy?" Atobe asked.

Jirou scrunched up his face in thought. "Um, well, he has his eyes closed, and he wasn't moving…"

Atobe felt a foreboding feeling in his stomach and added a note in his head to call Tezuka the next morning. But first…

"I'll buy you another ice cream tomorrow, Jirou," Atobe said and smiled when Jirou brightened up. "But now, let's sleep."

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_December 24, 19XX_…

When Fuji woke up the next morning, he was back to normal.

Or as … _normal_ as one could be when he lost his personality, again.

"Good morning, Yuuta," Fuji said sweetly, gracing his brother with a lovely smile. Yuuta, mentally prepared, did not freak out like he did yesterday.

He was just glad that everything he saw last night, of his brother being a girl and all, was just one horrible, horrible dream.

"Breakfast today is just bacon and egg, I hope you don't mind," Fuji said as he set out the dishes.

"Aniki," Yuuta said uncertainly. He was still talking very strangely, and acting very much like so.

"Yes?" Fuji said, and Yuuta was momentarily blinded by his brilliance.

"Um, is there anything wrong?" Yuuta asked hesitantly.

Fuji promptly burst into tears.

"It's h-horrible!" Fuji sobbed, and Yuuta suddenly found his arms full of Fuji. "Yuuta, I d-don't know what to d-d-do!" And he cried on.

Never once in his entire life, had anyone ever attempted to jump into his arms and ask for comfort. So obviously he had no bleeding clue what he was supposed to do.

"Er ..." Yuuta began awkwardly.

Apparently Fuji thought that was enough of an encouragement to pour out his heart, so he did.

Yuuta spent the next five minutes wishing all gods listening to give him back his brother. And feeling tremendously relieved that he had no girlfriend.

When Fuji had calmed down and was dabbing the corner of his eye with a fluffy pink handkerchief, Yuuta took the moment to say "I'm sorry" even if all he heard between the wails were "Eiji" and "kidnapped" and "hairy cunts".

Or was that "not really fun"?

Yuuta shook his head. "It must be terrible."

"Yes it is," Fuji agreed. "But Tezuka said everything would be alright, and we'll try to find him today, so it'll be okay." He turned his large eyes to Yuuta. "Right?"

Yuuta sweated, mentally dying from his brother's sheer cuteness/strangeness. "O-of course," he said. "We need to go."

Fuji smiled happily, as if the last five minutes didn't just happen. "I packed you lunch!"

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The sunlight was bright against his face. Yukimura frowned and opened his eyes, awakening from his slumber.

The sounds of the seagulls and waves slapping against the shore filled his ears. Yukimura sat up, feeling quite confused when he was met with the sight of the beach.

After pondering upon this abnormal circumstance, Yukimura noticed a body lying not too far away.

It took him a full minute to realize it was Sanada, with is head stuck in the sand.

Upon realizing that Sanada's oxygen pathway was probably cut off due to his odd position, Yukimura panicked and clambered over to his friend.

"Genichirou," he cried, grabbing the back of Sanada's t-shirt and pulled hard. Sanada came free from the sand in seconds, spluttering and coughing and breathing all at once.

"You alright?" Yukimura asked, concerned.

Having regained his composure, Sanada grabbed Yukimura and squeezed him tight. "I thought you were gone!"

Yukimura didn't know what to say. He found it rather difficult to say anything when Sanada was hugging him so hard that his breaths were short and his heart was pounding so loudly and his stomach was acting like there were butterflies fluttering inside it, and it was all so dizzying and Sanada smelled like the ocean and the sun and Yukimura was very, very aware of his lips being pressed to Sanada's neck…

Yukimura discovered that he was very flustered. "Genichirou," he muffled, lips moving against Sanada's throat.

This was the point when Sanada became very self-conscious of the heat emanating from his captain. He pulled away quickly. "Sorry," he mumbled, embarrassed.

Yukimura looked around, unable to look Sanada in the eyes, and found Sanada's hat.

"Your hat," Yukimura said, reaching to get it.

An arrow flew out of nowhere and embedded itself right next to the hat, millimeters away from Yukimura's fingers.

Yukimura stared at it for five seconds before danger registered in his head.

"Seiichi!" Sanada cried, apparently realizing that there was danger, too, and grabbed Yukimura around the waist, rolling them away just as five more arrows hit the place where they had been before.

Sanada and Yukimura turned around.

There, coming out from the forest behind them, was a herd of screaming, half naked men holding various weapons and charging at them.

And they did not look happy.

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All the regulars of Seigaku met up in the locker room.

"Our mission is to search for our missing friend Eiji Kikumaru. We have today and tomorrow before school starts again, so everyone, let's get to it," Tezuka said, and then sat down.

Oishi stood up. He was wearing what could only be described as a soldier uniform. There was a rifle dangling from his side. Everyone sincerely hoped it was fake.

Oishi magically produced a pointer out of nowhere and extended it. He then cracked the tip to the board, where a picture of Eiji appeared with his information next to it.

"This is our target. We must retrieve him back before the two days are over. All we know is that he is kidnapped. And his kidnapper is very agile on feet."

_In other words, we don't know anything_, everyone thought simultaneously.

"We'll spread out and ask people if they've seen Eiji. Someone is bound to have, so don't lose hope, guys!" Oishi said hotly, obviously very charged up.

"Now, is there any question?"

Momo raised his hand. "Yes, Momo?"

"Why," Momo said, a vein twitching on his forehead, "IS THIS GUY HERE?"

Sengoku blinked as everyone turned to look at him, and then he grinned. "Heyo!"

Fuji smiled. "Hello, Sengoku, it's been a while, hasn't it?"

Sengoku beamed at Fuji. "Yes, it has. You still remember me, genius boy?"

Fuji blushed. Takashi had a nosebleed at his cuteness.

"I'm not really," Fuji stammered, tucking a strayed hair behind his ear. Tezuka glanced at him and tried not to stare. Ryoma rolled his eyes.

"Focus, boys!" Oishi cried, bringing everyone's attention back to the presence. "Now, if Sengoku is here, then you might as well help us. Other than that, everyone, let's go!"

"YEAH!" The regulars (plus Sengoku) stood up, ready to go.

"What's with all the commotion?" a voice from the door spoke up.

It was a very familiar voice. Ryoma groaned. _It couldn't be possible_.

But it was.

There stood at the doorway, was none other than Atobe, smirking like he knew a secret. "It seems like Seigaku is in the middle of a crisis," he drawled, examining his manicured nails delicately.

"What are you doing here, Atobe?" Tezuka asked, stepping forward.

Atobe looked hurt. "I'm here to help, naturally!"

Oishi narrowed his eyes suspiciously. "Help?"

"Of course," Atobe said, pushing himself away from the door and coming inside. "Do you think I have free time to roam around sticking my pretty nose into other people's business?"

_Yes_, everyone thought.

Atobe sighed dramatically. "Fortunately for you, Ore-sama has come upon valuable information that can aid you in your search for the cat boy."

Now he really did have everyone's attention. Atobe saw this and was overwhelmed with joy.

"Tell us what you know," Oishi said, actually feeling civilized for the first time since Eiji's disappearance.

At that moment Jirou appeared next to Atobe. "Hello!" he said happily.

Atobe's eyes softened at the sight of Jirou.

"This boy here will tell you exactly what happened to kitty boy last night."

Jirou grinned happily.

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At Rikkai, on the morning of Christmas' Eve, Yanagi came running into the tennis court looking flustered and slightly insane.

"Yanagi, what's going on?" Bunta asked, his mouth full of cake. The other regulars stopped what they were doing and came over to Yanagi, concerned.

Yanagi gripped Kirihara's arm and panted, "The captain… and vice captain…"

Kirihara narrowed his eyes. "What's going on?"

"They've… Yukimura and Sanada have disappeared!"

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**To Be Continued… **  
**Chapter 4 – Operation: White Knights and Black Princes, Attempt No. 1  
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**End of Chapter's Note**: REVIEW :P  
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